Left to himself, Afridi would like to play just the super over. And the IPL is one big Boom Boom super over, put him on a polygraph and the truth will out itself – “I’m confident, gimme the T20 or 20 balls and I will go Boom Boom – No thinking, just hitting, no thinking…”
Afridi is not alone, if you put others to the test, their love for T20 will come shining through, honestly. There is Rohit Sharma, who is forced to play Ranji, and then score a triple – can you imagine the torture – in the same time he could have played a few IPLs.
But Afridi is special. Today he plays yet another one day game, the fifth – string them together and five one day games make a test (and more) – no wonder he’s had a rough series. All along he’s been thinking, “I’m not confident, why are you giving me test when I want T20”
This is wrong: First you make MoYo captain, then Younis, ex-captain returns – and pressure too. Why have expectations when you have Afridi. Just let him play, but he can’t play as a follower, taking orders – if only there was the super sub rule, and he came and smashed the ball around for a few overs.
Now seeing as this is a post on Afridi It’s already way too long. 16 overs to go, kaptaan Shahid Bhai! Shahid Bhai! on next – life is a T20 again.
On Bored: Razzaqed (an attempt to unite India and Pakistan over cricket, again)
January 31, 2010
January 27, 2010
DORM OF DOOM!
INT DORMITORY – NIGHT
(Petrified school kids jump out of their bunkers screaming,
they have all seen the same nightmare)
MONITOR SHAK
It was ZAKS the destroyer!
KID A
It was ZAKS alright - he came round the wicket OOOO!
MASTER T
…and shoved his fire ball into my empty stomach AAAH!
(The kids’ hysterics draw the BCB Chief’s attention)
BCB CHIEF
What’s that? You Bbboys are awake?
First you lose a match then you lose sleep.
MONITOR SHAK
Oh no! It’s BCB Sahb! Run to bed, run!
BCB CHIEF
Not so fast you little losers.
(BCB Chief appears in the dorm and pulls Monitor Shak
by the elastic of his pyjamas and proceeds to
administer a thorough spanking)
MASTER T
I did good, can I go and sleep?
BCB CHIEF
AAH! So you’ve earned yourself a good spanking.
(BCB Chief produces his cane)
KID A
I was sick! Here, see an excuse from my Mommy.
(BCB Chief is not impressed, like a martial arts expert
he is spanking, caning, flogging the whole lot of them
BCB CHIEF
This will treat you not to play with bigger boys.
(a boy from the top bunker squeals)
BOY
Yeah, I even saw Monitor Shak smoking.
(Petrified school kids jump out of their bunkers screaming,
they have all seen the same nightmare)
MONITOR SHAK
It was ZAKS the destroyer!
KID A
It was ZAKS alright - he came round the wicket OOOO!
MASTER T
…and shoved his fire ball into my empty stomach AAAH!
(The kids’ hysterics draw the BCB Chief’s attention)
BCB CHIEF
What’s that? You Bbboys are awake?
First you lose a match then you lose sleep.
MONITOR SHAK
Oh no! It’s BCB Sahb! Run to bed, run!
BCB CHIEF
Not so fast you little losers.
(BCB Chief appears in the dorm and pulls Monitor Shak
by the elastic of his pyjamas and proceeds to
administer a thorough spanking)
MASTER T
I did good, can I go and sleep?
BCB CHIEF
AAH! So you’ve earned yourself a good spanking.
(BCB Chief produces his cane)
KID A
I was sick! Here, see an excuse from my Mommy.
(BCB Chief is not impressed, like a martial arts expert
he is spanking, caning, flogging the whole lot of them
BCB CHIEF
This will treat you not to play with bigger boys.
(a boy from the top bunker squeals)
BOY
Yeah, I even saw Monitor Shak smoking.
On Bored: Cricket Films including Shahid Bhai! Shahid Bhai! + The Night Before series + Godfather & Jaws
January 25, 2010
January 24, 2010
Wanted: An economical test bowler
As always Dhoni had Bhajji’s only wicket home delivered to him, Dhaka via Jalandhar. Bhajji’s only wicket was the last man, Rubel Hossein – have you heard that name before. You will from now, Bhajji knocked him over.Bhajji, the most economical Indian bowler today, 1/48 @ only 2.54 runs per over, miserly. That’s what your strike bowler is for, to double up as your stock bowler – Bhajji, the strike, stock bowler. The true bowling allrounder.
Never mind that Amit Mishra. He may have been the 4th and 3rd highest scorer with his 14 and 50 in the first test, but it’s Ojha’s turn now. Next time it will be Mishra again. And so on.
And those 7 wickets that Mishra took, don’t make too much of them – he was way too costly, more than 4 runs per over. Bowling average of 22.5, not good enough either.
Mishra knows, he should’ve bowled better; he was lucky with those wickets. It won’t always be this way. As for poor Bhajji, he had it bad, a catch dropped off his bowling, baah! How could they – that’s his job, dropping catches.
On Bored: A horror cricket film, The Night Before II
For Murali Vijay.
This will be the first test that Murali Vijay will play with Gautam Gambhir. The two tests before this, Vijay played thanks to Gambhir’s elbow and sister. Also, those two tests Vijay opened the batting with Sehwag. This time, Vijay will bat in the middle order, unless of course Gambhir does him another favour.
Usually there’s this slotting of players – opener will only open, and if a middle order slot is vacant (as with VVS’ finger going AWOL) then a middle order player takes over – here it could’ve meant either Rohit Sharma or Dinesh Karthik being given a shot. Thankfully not so.
Vijay, now here’s what you do: If you make it to 87, as you did last month in Mumbai, try not to play across, go straight for that 100.
On Bored: Look (M Vijay again)
Usually there’s this slotting of players – opener will only open, and if a middle order slot is vacant (as with VVS’ finger going AWOL) then a middle order player takes over – here it could’ve meant either Rohit Sharma or Dinesh Karthik being given a shot. Thankfully not so.
Vijay, now here’s what you do: If you make it to 87, as you did last month in Mumbai, try not to play across, go straight for that 100.
On Bored: Look (M Vijay again)
January 20, 2010
Gambhir, Gambhir, Gambhir, Gambhir, Gambhir
In case you’re wondering, that’s for the five consecutive hundreds by Gambhir, Gambhir…he sure likes to repeat himself. Is it the stammer, the stutter? Say what you will of Gambhir, Gambhir..he is one player who could be off the boil one innings, next one he’s ready to fry an egg on his bat – the feet are moving, and so his mind. Usually when Gambhir’s feet move, his world falls into place.
Er..do you think Gambhir’s warranted a repeat? I’m torn on that. After all, it was Gambhir, Gambhir…that scored those five consecutive hundreds; but arguably these five are also Gambhir’s – aren’t they?
For me, there is a definite plan with Gambhir’s ascent to the Daredevil’s captaincy. Only 28, a sure-shot in all forms, where can Gambhir, Gambhir… go from here? I won’t put it beyond Sehwag along with Gambhir, Gambhir… chalking out some plans here.
The nucleus of the present team is Delhi; top three batsman, tallest bowler, second tallest bowler, and second choice spinning allroudner, all Delhi. Then there’s Karthik, not quite Delhi, but a Daredevil alright. Where am I going with this?
Er..do you think Gambhir’s warranted a repeat? I’m torn on that. After all, it was Gambhir, Gambhir…that scored those five consecutive hundreds; but arguably these five are also Gambhir’s – aren’t they?
For me, there is a definite plan with Gambhir’s ascent to the Daredevil’s captaincy. Only 28, a sure-shot in all forms, where can Gambhir, Gambhir… go from here? I won’t put it beyond Sehwag along with Gambhir, Gambhir… chalking out some plans here.
The nucleus of the present team is Delhi; top three batsman, tallest bowler, second tallest bowler, and second choice spinning allroudner, all Delhi. Then there’s Karthik, not quite Delhi, but a Daredevil alright. Where am I going with this?
January 19, 2010
January 13, 2010
January 11, 2010
Nothing cricket.
A Parantha lunch at the neighbourhood sweet shop, India Bangla ODI on TV. Two little girls either side watching as if their Dad’s playing – but they look at the ads with that same fixated pointless look. They’re TV addicts, like we’re cricket addicts.
I try to make sense of this game; Bangla is a light snack. Then I take some photographs – of the telecast and the mini thali. What else does this series make me do?
Watch cricket with the back of my head.
What will a Bangla win do for the series? Guess not much.
January 08, 2010
A new toast for two ten.
I don’t care if he’s Indian or if he’s Pakistani
Don’t care if it’s you or some guy called Mohammad Sami
I don’t care if he’s a drunk or a flag bearer for the barmy army
Don’t care if it’s Umar Akmal after a brazen 49
Don’t care if it’s Shane Watson in the tavern after a run out on 99
I want a new toast
A new toast for two-ten
It can’t be that difficult
To give some new kids a chance
You can’t have the same mob playing all the time
And then saying there’s too much cricket
But wait a second, if there’s too much cricket
Why don’t you take a chill pill?
You may not quite be over the hill
But when the fuck will you get your fill?
Zaheer and Bhajji, what’s with you
You waiting to disintegrate on the field
Now you see the Lankans, right?
Do you even know their names?
Yeah, so bring some nameless players
From the back of beyond
A new state, somewhere in the North East
Or the Andaman Islands
Yeah, give it a push guys
You looking for a fucking fast bowler
Maybe you been looking in the wrong places
Go look in the middle of MP which incidentally
Is also the middle of India
If a kid can tame a tiger
Yeah, you know what I’m saying
I want a new toast
A new toast for two ten
Not you toast
No, no, no
I don’t wanna toast your five for whenever that comes
I wanna toast your five weeks off
On Bored: Cricket Songs
Don’t care if it’s you or some guy called Mohammad Sami
I don’t care if he’s a drunk or a flag bearer for the barmy army
Don’t care if it’s Umar Akmal after a brazen 49
Don’t care if it’s Shane Watson in the tavern after a run out on 99
I want a new toast
A new toast for two-ten
It can’t be that difficult
To give some new kids a chance
You can’t have the same mob playing all the time
And then saying there’s too much cricket
But wait a second, if there’s too much cricket
Why don’t you take a chill pill?
You may not quite be over the hill
But when the fuck will you get your fill?
Zaheer and Bhajji, what’s with you
You waiting to disintegrate on the field
Now you see the Lankans, right?
Do you even know their names?
Yeah, so bring some nameless players
From the back of beyond
A new state, somewhere in the North East
Or the Andaman Islands
Yeah, give it a push guys
You looking for a fucking fast bowler
Maybe you been looking in the wrong places
Go look in the middle of MP which incidentally
Is also the middle of India
If a kid can tame a tiger
Yeah, you know what I’m saying
I want a new toast
A new toast for two ten
Not you toast
No, no, no
I don’t wanna toast your five for whenever that comes
I wanna toast your five weeks off
On Bored: Cricket Songs
January 06, 2010
January 03, 2010
Sami checks into rehab.
On most days, you can bet your world that Sami will bowl the most magnificent crap you’ve ever seen. When he runs in, he huffs and puffs set to blow your house down – make nothing of it, empty threats.
It’s funny, but along with Imran Khan, I always felt there was something about Sami, must have been the speeds, the huff puff earnestness, that German engineering designed run-up, I still don’t know what it was – it’s like we felt about Irfan or Ishant. Oh, the promise.
Now Imran always believed Sami was an outright fast bowler and that’s what he should do. He sure did, but usually crap on leg stump. Last I saw him in India, he bowled so much crap it was demeaning to crap, to call it crap.
And that’s my last memory of him. Or was it; I also felt he could bat – then again, it’s like some of us felt about Agarkar.
But what happened today? I think Waqar’s made a big difference; when in the box, I still recall Waqar often shaking his head helplessly at Sami’s shenanigans. Deal is, a guy like Waqar needs to be hands on with the Pak bowlers.
Now if only Pakistan get hold of a batting coach. Or will MoYo step up and take on two roles?
On Bored: "Abandon Sydney Test"
It’s funny, but along with Imran Khan, I always felt there was something about Sami, must have been the speeds, the huff puff earnestness, that German engineering designed run-up, I still don’t know what it was – it’s like we felt about Irfan or Ishant. Oh, the promise.
Now Imran always believed Sami was an outright fast bowler and that’s what he should do. He sure did, but usually crap on leg stump. Last I saw him in India, he bowled so much crap it was demeaning to crap, to call it crap.
And that’s my last memory of him. Or was it; I also felt he could bat – then again, it’s like some of us felt about Agarkar.
But what happened today? I think Waqar’s made a big difference; when in the box, I still recall Waqar often shaking his head helplessly at Sami’s shenanigans. Deal is, a guy like Waqar needs to be hands on with the Pak bowlers.
Now if only Pakistan get hold of a batting coach. Or will MoYo step up and take on two roles?
On Bored: "Abandon Sydney Test"
January 02, 2010
"Bowling coach missing India"
Clearly Venkatesh Prasad wanted to say something, and MS Dhoni misquoted him.
January 01, 2010
What's not in a name
Harbhajan has many names - Bhaj, Bhajji, ‘bhajan, Har’, Turbunator, and no doubt others that have endeared him to you. While each name has its time and place, none of the names capture the flying Sikh in his element.
If it wasn’t for the geyser repairman’s visit, this name would never have come to me; his name was - Hulchul Singh.
As I heard Hulchul Singh say Hulchul Singh, I felt Bhajji had come to repair my geyser. I kept a safe distance from Hulchul Singh; more than an arm’s length away.
Hulchul Singh was a modest little man. But his name it was so damn kinetic. With a name like that, I almost expected him to run in with the tri-colour to repair my geyser, Bhajji would have done no less.
With a name like that I expected Hulchul to teri ma ki the geyser, rip it out of the wall, and then hurl it through the window, Bhajji would have done no less.
With a name like that, bet you get the drift, you just want to drift.
You can meet Hulchul Singh on bored here; after the Continuing Saga of BossDK and BiggBosST, Jatman, Bored Peon & Bored Neon, he just had to make his grand entry – on New Year’s day. Happy, Hulchul?
If it wasn’t for the geyser repairman’s visit, this name would never have come to me; his name was - Hulchul Singh.
As I heard Hulchul Singh say Hulchul Singh, I felt Bhajji had come to repair my geyser. I kept a safe distance from Hulchul Singh; more than an arm’s length away.
Hulchul Singh was a modest little man. But his name it was so damn kinetic. With a name like that, I almost expected him to run in with the tri-colour to repair my geyser, Bhajji would have done no less.
With a name like that I expected Hulchul to teri ma ki the geyser, rip it out of the wall, and then hurl it through the window, Bhajji would have done no less.
With a name like that, bet you get the drift, you just want to drift.
You can meet Hulchul Singh on bored here; after the Continuing Saga of BossDK and BiggBosST, Jatman, Bored Peon & Bored Neon, he just had to make his grand entry – on New Year’s day. Happy, Hulchul?
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