JATMAN

A scribble and a song, here you go, Jatman!

The story behind Viru's dismissal.

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Sehwag not single.

Sehwag on 199. Last man Ishant Sharma at the other end. Ball played square, clear of any fielder. The single is on - Sehwag can score his 200th run. After how the team collectively threw in towels, underwear, inhibitions, you’d forgive him this tiny trespass. Go on Viru, get the single, get the 200th run - Ishant can block a few balls. But he doesn’t take the single. He waits it out.

And leaves you to ponder if any of the record breakers in this Indian team would have overlooked that single. Forget the Indian team - is there anyone in world cricket who would’ve let that single go?

But Sehwag continues to block. The big tease is saved for that elusive 200th run. The drift is towards a customary six. There is no six coming. Bat pad kissed together, ball smothered into the ground.

Is Sehwag playing for Ishant? Is he playing for the 400 runs he spoke about? Is he playing to instruct – impart patience where none existed? Is it a pointer to the mainstay of Indian batting – and to the powers behind them? Either way, it’s worth a think. But who will?

My captain!

A minor glitch: After Anil Kumble, who?

M.S. Dhoni doesn’t play tests these days. Whether it is to avoid old mates Ganguly-Dravid, or catch his breath after getting on top, who knows.

Either way, it’s not just timely but a shrewd move as well. When you get away winning a World Cup with a team sans seniors, why not let the seniors lose some without you? Also, a series in Sri Lanka is a seven year itch, why scratch it? Gets only worse playing spinners you can’t read, on record or off the wicket.

Next, Virender Sehwag: he plays tests. No, he doesn’t play tests. Not like M.S. Dhoni. More like Brendon McCullum. Which is, the flesh is willing but the spirit is weak. So while Sehwag actually pads up and puts his whites on, you’d think he was a still in black Daredevil mode. Strike rates and starts courtesy Sehwag and Gambhir have been nothing short of T20ish both in one-dayers and now in tests. What are they thinking – gotta use the field restrictions – gotta use the first six overs. Six and out!

Gautam Gambhir: Just back to playing tests. Going by the widely accepted belief that he is in the form of his life, scoring big (30s and 40s) amongst test ruins, he could beat everyone to the hot seat. Stranger things have happened in Indian cricket. A hundred or even a few half centuries in this series would only push his case. Behold, Gautam the saviour will arrive!

Dinesh Karthik: Plays off and on, more off than on. Once proclaimed as captain material, his cricket is now largely immaterial. By a simple twist of fate had a chance to outdo MSD as a test bat and keeper, instead chopped the very branch he sat on, one drop after another, one shot after another. If persevered with in the second test, it may only prolong the pain. After the England tour, his demons emerged. And then multiplied.

Zaheer Khan: Plays when fit. Will make an animated captain – plenty of aggression, attitude, designer stubbles and misuse of the new ball. If unfit, will swear to return only when 100%.

Ishant Sharma: Flavour of the season. Even if his chances to captain are as remote as Dravid’s, what about tomorrow? Positives for Ishant - he doesn’t smile, frown or lose his cool easily. In a nation of cricketing icons, he is the latest. That helps. Needs to bowl a heavy ball at players other than Ponting. Needs a mentor. Someone other than Venkatesh Prasad. Preferably a quick.

Irfan Pathan: Flavour of the last season. Needs a mentor. One will do. He was an icon. And on some days he still is. On other days, he’s on a cricket holiday. Already made more comebacks than…himself! And thanks to limited overs cricket, will continue too. If he has one good series, even he could be captain. But first, he must be selected.

Harbhajan Singh: Flavour of all seasons. Plays tests because no other Indian spinner is given as much rope. If IPL misdemeanours are anything to go by, India will make the 12th man captain before Singh is King.

Sree Santh: Plays tests when fit. If IPL misdemeanours are anything to go by, India will make the 12th man captain before Sree is Nath.

VVS Laxman: These days, plays each test like it’s his last. Also, always the last man standing. The least controversial, but on scant IPL evidence also the least influential. But as in Kumble’s case, he too may become captain by default. First move: promote self up the order.

Rahul Dravid: Once India’s mainstay, now India’s main stray. Captaincy: He didn’t want it. He doesn’t want it. He won’t want it. But he may get it –over the board’s dead body. After losing captaincy, ODI spot, board’s favour and his marathon runs with the bat, he could be the first of the big four to lose all interest.

Saurav Ganguly: In the form of his life, but is that good enough? To sustain Saurav as skipper, first hire a time machine – arrive at a year when Dravid scored more runs and Sachin gave fewer interviews. If all else fails, don’t be surprised if he is made captain again. Plenty of lore to back him up!

Sachin Tendulkar: if the next captain succeeds, we will soon learn that his selection had been pushed by you know who. However, if Indian cricket plummets further depths, as does Tendulkar’s form, his iconic status may have to be rescued by a call to captaincy. This time, Sachin might just bite the bullet. Or ride one into the sunset.

A new player. One still on the fringes. But whose meteoric rise, boundless ability and canny makes MS Dhoni’s pale in comparison. Or is that just M.S. Dhoni’s second coming as a test player. Refreshed by a test team realigned to his needs. Raina, Rohit, and even Yuvraj walking alongside him - Men in white!

For the time being though, Anil Kumble is India’s captain. And even though his bowling analysis read: 37 overs-4 maidens- 121 runs-0 wickets, consider the vital catches dropped off his bowling. Pause at Jayawardene on 55. Had he not been dropped, what would the game have been? And what would we have said of India’s most successful bowler ever?

How do you solve a problem like Viru?

You cannot fault Virender Sehwag for the shot he played. After all, Sehwag had, after a long time found acceptance.

And that doesn’t sit naturally on Sehwag’s itchy shoulders. So, when one went well over those itchy shoulders, it was natural for him to reach it – even if it was nigh unreachable.

Never mind that he had just hit five 4s, 25 off 15 before that. He had already had his fifteen minutes of fame. Twenty three to be precise. That’s a lot of labour for the newly appointed vice captain.

And who is Kulasekara to bounce him out –he’ll have to go. Dismissed from sight.

Instead Sehwag is dismissed.

It may just be one shot by one player in one innings - and there’s still plenty in the series to play for, but this one shot, perhaps defines Sehwag’s low grasp of cricketing high points.

Even before India batted, it was obvious that the Indian openers would define this test – whether it would be a draw or a defeat.
Whether it is the Delhi Daredevils, the India T20, ODI or test team, Sehwag has it in him to define an innings.

By some strange coincidence, he also has it in him, to scar beyond recognition, not only the bowling attack, but the course an Indian innings takes.

Post Sehwag, often, an Indian innings caves in so fast, you’d think, there goes the Pied Piper, and with him the rats.

But why does Sehwag do so repeatedly? The evening walk down to Ajantha Mendis in the Asia Cup finals still stinks. There, he had the bowling by the unmentionables, as now – both times he presses the “I am too sexy” for your bowling button, and vamooses off.

Is it that Sehwag feels it beneath himself to be figured out by a bowler? So, even if he is at the peak of his anarchic powers, he must disfigure his innings. All by himself.

Is Sehwag’s way a ten way highway video game, where he only overtakes - from the left, from the right, and if need be, from the top –like that unreachable ball from some bloke called Kulasekara who’s barely played four tests.

The image stays with you. Sehwag playing that samurai sword slicing through air shot. And you know, it’s that bad old Kamikaze trick again.

How do you solve a problem like Viru?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Viru?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Viru?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

Less than 20 words.

3 ball high, 1 ball low. Sehwag’s out. Glad it was a free pass.

more than 20 words

Triple Standards.

It takes Virender Sehwag to score a double hundred to cement his spot for the next two series. And when he doesn’t score a double for a while, questions on consistency are asked, naturally.

Imagine then, what happens when Sehwag fails to score a triple century for a full four years. Please recall, when was that Multan triplet? Circa 2004!? Do we have any evidence he scored those runs– Mughal miniatures, for instance? And what conditions? Another desi flatbed for the flat track badshah? The quality of opposition bowling: has-beens; a mixed-up Pakistani bowling attack? Wasn’t that Saqlain’s last test match too? And why was Sehwag so attacking – wasn’t that a test? "All hand-eye coordination, no footwork, won’t come off in seaming wickets." But he did.

Anyway, it’s been four long years since Sehwag scored his last triple, not nearly good enough – when most players score 0s, 20s, 50s in tests, they continue to do so with jarring regularity. One knows, what to expect; not like a box of chocolates where you never know what you’re gonna get! Even Veeru’s Mama will agree.
Consider this fine specimen of a batsman: dedicated, well-mannered, team player, handsome, average in the mid-high 30s, adaptability to one-dayers, good fielder, prospect for tests. And at no time will he hoodwink you into thinking there’s another triple just round the corner. He will score so many 0s, 30s, 50s, you will observe a pattern – and know that he will score 57 today and 16 in the second innings. And his average, it will always hover around that marvelous 35 mark. Not to forget, he has the makings of an all-rounder too.

Coming back to Sehwag’s case: we’ll cake his face today, and serve him the airtime reserved for Yuvi and Mahi and Sachin and Saurav and other cool dudes. Which will be rightfully forwarded to them, once the one-dayers and the Twenty20 games begin. By the way, when is that? "I can’t wait to see Sachin open with Gambhir or Uthappa." "Or do you think Sehwag will open now? Sehwag, captain material?"

Yeah, let’s stay with today’s TV special: Sehwag special. Let’s speak to his bhabhi, bhanji, Ma and his local gang and barber. Let’s bring them into our homes. Let’s be one of them. Ask them probing questions, like if they’ve spoken to Veeru yet – any message for Veeru? How will they celebrate? If only he could have tasted his ma’s kheer today!

Is this all for real?

Virender Sehwag is for real. His cricket is. And has been for a lot longer than the triplets of Multan and Chennai. These are massive scores that inhabit statistical Jurassic Parks and our out-numbered minds. If these are the timeless Kohinoors, in between were Veeru’s nameless gems that had in them the range and ambition to define Indian cricket. Only, they were far from treasured. Indian cricket hungered for the doubles, triples. It failed to determine the exchange rate.

Dravid though, understood the currency of cricket and backed his man.

The graffiti was on the wall yet again: as Jammy shared with Veeru what seemed to be a personal triumph. First the double, then the triple. He was there.

Bet it was so much sweeter for Sehwag to be in such good company. Far from the duplicity and triple standards of Indian cricket.

For a moment, it appeared Sewhag would inherit Indian cricket, again. Just as it appeared Rock ‘n’ Roll would inherit the world in the '60s. Either way, it takes a believer to know what rocks. And an infidel to roll on about flat tracks and footwork.

More on Sehwag

A summer without Sehwag.

It's not as if Saurav Ganguly or Sachin Tendulkar has been dropped. It's only the floundering Virender Sehwag. And in many ways, it's not too different from when Pakistan drops Shahid Afridi. For whenever Pakistan drops Afridi, the reaction is, he's young enough to make a comeback. Which he does. To be dropped again. To make yet another comeback.

It's ironical that not too long back, Afridi after one of his drops whined that his game was very similar to Sehwag’s, only Sehwag (Veeru) had been handled far better by Indian cricket - and that's what made him produce better results. Q.E.D.

Off late though Veeru has not produced those better results. While Afridi's equity in Pak cricket rose, Veeru’s nose-dived. While Afridi tossed a coin to decide what form of cricket to play, Veeru continued to be tossed around.

It didn't help matters that more often than not, Sehwag had the gift of the garbled - whatever he said was misconstrued. Often what he didn't say was also misconstrued. He erred in backing his old captain and taking on the new coach. And when all that blew over somewhat reluctantly, for once, he backed the right horse - his new captain.

But that too was not incident free. Sehwag became so loyal, he even squealed about a misdirected sms to his latest mentor. And while it’s easy to blame technology, it was getting even easier to blame Virender Sehwag.

He all but lost it in South Africa. And even though he played a cameo in the 1st innings of the last test (as a middle order batsman) being promoted to open again, backfired in the 2nd innings – India lost the test and with it the series. Sehwag had the makings of a fall guy. He was ready to fall.

But somehow he didn’t. He made it to the World Cup. But in spite of a hundred against Bermuda, his cricket world started to fall apart. He was dropped from the tests v/s Bangladesh, but played in the ODIs on Rahul Dravid’s behest.

Few cameos and disappointments later, Virender Sehwag now finds himself sidelined from the England tour, from both teams.

As if preempting the announcement, Sehwag tried many a last ditch effort – he appeared for his employers in loony noon June matches. Followed by his new mantra-chirping avatar for the farcical Asia vs. Africa series. Do these games count?

Strangely they do in a player’s international averages. But in games where Shaun Pollock plays solely as a batter, and the Kenyans and Zimbabweans, and some obscure South Africans make the numbers – is anybody going to take Sehwag’s nearly there 50s seriously? That too, when he threw it all away in nonchalant Veeru fashion. Who cares if he’s striking at 100+, he didn’t make the big hundred that MS Dhoni did.

So now Dhoni, who also had a dismal World Cup, but has performed better off late, is Dravid’s deputy for the one-dayers. And yesterday’s vice captain is today’s vice.

Looks like it’s going to be a long summer without Sehwag. And India sans Veeru might just have a longer one. Because, like him or lump him, there’s this indefinable quality that makes him, if not a great player, very close to one.

To use numbers and averages make it too simple. The argument is clear – how can you drop an opening batsman with an average of 50 (rounded off) from the test team. That too, when he strikes better than every player in the team – including MSD.

Logic has never been the selectors’ strongest suit. Too often one-day bloomers translate into a test drop and vice versa. Ask Mohammed Kaif. For heaven’s sake, ask Virender Sehwag.

And if one has to find fault with Sehwag’s one-day form, then you are turning a blind eye to his strike rate of 97. Or for that matter, Yuvraj’s less than consistent career.

How else does Adam Gilchrist get away with a similar average–strike rate combo to that of Sehwag’s? One team’s merry meal is another’s diet coke. And while Gilchrist’s off days go unnoticed as Australia hardly lose – they can revel in the knowledge that Gilchrist has in him a magical innings that can win them the World Cup.

Meanwhile, India is oblivious that only 2-3 of the present lot (Sehwag, Yuvraj, Dhoni) can win games single-handedly. The others can play second fiddle or watch from the third row in the dressing room in awe.

Look around the cricketing world and there are few players as prolific as Sehwag. Being impatient with him is one thing. Dropping him now, is a case of better late than never.

So, what will the Indian team be without Sehwag? For one, it’ll be a lot duller in the dressing room. And on top of the order.

The new openers, whether it’s Jaffer, Gambhir, Karthik, or Uthappa will find it difficult to pull off a Sehwag. What, even Sehwag can’t do that kind of thing anymore.