The third Ashes test starts Thursday, but then again, it could refuse to start. Like Flintoff’s body could refuse to start – that would be a story. But other than that there is nothing. Over the last week since England won Lord’s, the Ashes became a Champagne Supernova. Flintoff meanwhile, became a very rare vintage Champange Supernova, that was on.
But still, even Flintoff can’t take you through a week – so KP collapsed like Pakistan, and when we were done with him and the IPL and ECB and seven degrees of separation – that you and I were responsible for KP’s foot, my foot! - then came in Bell boy. How Bell boy sustained the English media is baffling. It’s the equivalent of Kaif in the limelight. Some things are not done. And when Bell boy was wrung out, it rained at Edgbaston.
The ground staff could be the only ones on the ground. What does that leave you with – a one-day international in Dambulla, Sri Lanka. Who knows, maybe it will rain there too, and we’ll all get what we want – another twenty20 game. In that case, will Shahid Afridi captain?
July 29, 2009
Shahid Afridi, are the teens finally over?
He bats, he bowls, he even wins you matches, let’s make him captain too. That sounds like Shakib Al Hasan’s job profile, so why can’t it be Shahid Afridi’s?
On the face of it, sounds eccentric for Afridi to even have a job profile, just doesn’t sit right. Can Afridi sit? Almost like Jatman-Sehwag and a job profile. Like bottling up dynamite! Listen, no matter how focussed dynamite is, it is still dynamite. For me, Boom Boom is still Bang Bang!
In the T20 World Cup final he was cool like a Collingwood. And he won that, didn’t he? Likewise in the semis. The Boom Boomers say, hasn’t he showed his credentials with Habib Bank, Sind and Karachi Dolphins over the years, and earned this. What, T20, make him captain of the one-day team, test side…ok, he doesn’t play tests or does he? The Boom Boomers will go to the extent of saying, why stop at captaincy, make him President of a political party – his raised arms will be a balm for Pakistan. He’s the real deal, not Imran Bhai.
Also in Boom Boom’s favour is experience and age – he’s been playing for what, 13 years now? He surely has another 13 years in him, and he can’t be more than 13 years’ old himself! Yeah, that’s why he behaves like a teenager every now and then! If Boom Boom had a song it would be, 13 till I die!
But then why try and cajole Younis Khan into captaincy? Is there a plan to make Younis the non-playing smiling T20 captain – handle rough interviews and rough players, is that YK’s job profile?
Still stranger, why appoint Boom Boom captain for the solitary T20 game v Sri Lanka? If he lifts another first ball to long-off, is that it for him? Show some faith, at least make him captain till the 2010 World Cup. It’s not as if it’s 4 years away. And Boom Boom will still be only 13 years’ old then.
But for me, Afridi should be captain because he’s a frigging character. After each wicket the team will strike ballet like poses, raised arms and all. The timing’s spot on, now if only Boom Boom can work things out without the psycho analyst or whatever he was. Else it’ll be, Honey I shrunk the team!
On Bored: Wasim's take on Boom Boom Afridi
On the face of it, sounds eccentric for Afridi to even have a job profile, just doesn’t sit right. Can Afridi sit? Almost like Jatman-Sehwag and a job profile. Like bottling up dynamite! Listen, no matter how focussed dynamite is, it is still dynamite. For me, Boom Boom is still Bang Bang!
In the T20 World Cup final he was cool like a Collingwood. And he won that, didn’t he? Likewise in the semis. The Boom Boomers say, hasn’t he showed his credentials with Habib Bank, Sind and Karachi Dolphins over the years, and earned this. What, T20, make him captain of the one-day team, test side…ok, he doesn’t play tests or does he? The Boom Boomers will go to the extent of saying, why stop at captaincy, make him President of a political party – his raised arms will be a balm for Pakistan. He’s the real deal, not Imran Bhai.
Also in Boom Boom’s favour is experience and age – he’s been playing for what, 13 years now? He surely has another 13 years in him, and he can’t be more than 13 years’ old himself! Yeah, that’s why he behaves like a teenager every now and then! If Boom Boom had a song it would be, 13 till I die!
But then why try and cajole Younis Khan into captaincy? Is there a plan to make Younis the non-playing smiling T20 captain – handle rough interviews and rough players, is that YK’s job profile?
Still stranger, why appoint Boom Boom captain for the solitary T20 game v Sri Lanka? If he lifts another first ball to long-off, is that it for him? Show some faith, at least make him captain till the 2010 World Cup. It’s not as if it’s 4 years away. And Boom Boom will still be only 13 years’ old then.
But for me, Afridi should be captain because he’s a frigging character. After each wicket the team will strike ballet like poses, raised arms and all. The timing’s spot on, now if only Boom Boom can work things out without the psycho analyst or whatever he was. Else it’ll be, Honey I shrunk the team!
On Bored: Wasim's take on Boom Boom Afridi
July 28, 2009
For Gagan Jolly
It’s best to start at the end here: Gagan Jolly has declared.
Gagan Jolly, my cricket fix. The big guy with the big laugh, the runway t-shirts, the full back, at the back of the shop.
Gagan Jolly, my seasons' tickets, my getaway chat, my shut Hauz Khas market out option.
How well did I know Gagan Jolly: cricket introduced us, that’s how well I knew Gagan Jolly.
The big match was always on, on the little TV, in the corner, at Jolly Drycleaners.
Could have been a bed cover, a stray comment, a cricket friendship; not a test match, a T20, but it feels like the history of cricket.
It’s not Gagan Jolly, it feels like cricket just died.
And I scarcely knew him. We planned: a drive-down to Mohali, games in Delhi, a tennis ball match, beers.
And yeah, Bored Cricket Crazy Indians made him laugh like crazy. Just the name, don’t think he even saw the site, said he would, but the stock market was eating into his cricket.
Gagan Jolly, why I like talking cricket. But today, I just don’t know.
Gagan Jolly in Kurta Cricket, from Nov. 2007
Gagan Jolly, my cricket fix. The big guy with the big laugh, the runway t-shirts, the full back, at the back of the shop.
Gagan Jolly, my seasons' tickets, my getaway chat, my shut Hauz Khas market out option.
How well did I know Gagan Jolly: cricket introduced us, that’s how well I knew Gagan Jolly.
The big match was always on, on the little TV, in the corner, at Jolly Drycleaners.
Could have been a bed cover, a stray comment, a cricket friendship; not a test match, a T20, but it feels like the history of cricket.
It’s not Gagan Jolly, it feels like cricket just died.
And I scarcely knew him. We planned: a drive-down to Mohali, games in Delhi, a tennis ball match, beers.
And yeah, Bored Cricket Crazy Indians made him laugh like crazy. Just the name, don’t think he even saw the site, said he would, but the stock market was eating into his cricket.
Gagan Jolly, why I like talking cricket. But today, I just don’t know.
Gagan Jolly in Kurta Cricket, from Nov. 2007
July 27, 2009
Pansies of the Caribbean: 1
What can we do with West Indies' cricket? Dissolve it, I say. Windies’ cricket ceased to exist a long time ago, its place was taken by a likable joke. One of those romantic comedies, which star an A-lister, but you know there isn’t much substance, and he’s just doing the funnies for the monies.
These stars would rather be anywhere else in the world. Even in the ICL. But then, nothing measures up, so they tend to fall short too – take for instance, Brian Charles Lara and his bottomed out Bombay ICL show.
What, even while BC Lara was in the national side, it appeared he was challenging himself, while the other 10 kids were being challenged by the sport.
Strangely, even through the Lara years, you had the freak shows with captaincy and the West Indies cricket board (WICB). Hooper was dragged out of wherever he was (Australia?), and Jimmy Adams was held back from joining commentary – while both Hooper and Adams captained, neither were long term options. And they always had to contend with the Prince. Why am I thinking Michael Jackson, even I don’t know?
Once Ambrose and Walsh retired, the Windies were retarded. Not the team they claimed to play as – ‘Islands in the Sun’ or ‘Carnival Cricketers’ would have been apt, to call it West Indies not on.
Now here we are in the Gayle years, and he’s not even in the side, forget captaincy. Instead there’s a team of timid Pirates – yeah, could be far more marketable as The Pansies of the Caribbean. But that’s for a laugh, not the solution.
The solution came from one of the Island’s cricket boards, Trinidad and Tabago, was it? They floated the idea, (good timing, Windies cricket is sunk) of an independent T&T team. Their own national side, independent of the West Indies’ team.
To hell with romanticism, I like it. Here’s to T&T. Let’s go Guyana! Bring on Barbados. Jump for Jamaica!
There you have it, some readymade sides, while some teams like T&T will benefit more, what with the two Bravos, a young Simmons, and perhaps an older and wiser, Lara; I reckon, this will help cricket in the Carib come to terms with reality, snap from the past.
This could be a reality check for the ICC and world cricket: get beyond obscure new cricketing nations, set your own mad house in order first. Also, Bangladesh could embark on an entire series of series across the islands. Together, they could play and grow as cricketing nations. I’ll be happy, just to know that was the best Leeward Islands’ team playing.
You could also read 'West Indies vs West Indies' over at BCC!
These stars would rather be anywhere else in the world. Even in the ICL. But then, nothing measures up, so they tend to fall short too – take for instance, Brian Charles Lara and his bottomed out Bombay ICL show.
What, even while BC Lara was in the national side, it appeared he was challenging himself, while the other 10 kids were being challenged by the sport.
Strangely, even through the Lara years, you had the freak shows with captaincy and the West Indies cricket board (WICB). Hooper was dragged out of wherever he was (Australia?), and Jimmy Adams was held back from joining commentary – while both Hooper and Adams captained, neither were long term options. And they always had to contend with the Prince. Why am I thinking Michael Jackson, even I don’t know?
Once Ambrose and Walsh retired, the Windies were retarded. Not the team they claimed to play as – ‘Islands in the Sun’ or ‘Carnival Cricketers’ would have been apt, to call it West Indies not on.
Now here we are in the Gayle years, and he’s not even in the side, forget captaincy. Instead there’s a team of timid Pirates – yeah, could be far more marketable as The Pansies of the Caribbean. But that’s for a laugh, not the solution.
The solution came from one of the Island’s cricket boards, Trinidad and Tabago, was it? They floated the idea, (good timing, Windies cricket is sunk) of an independent T&T team. Their own national side, independent of the West Indies’ team.
To hell with romanticism, I like it. Here’s to T&T. Let’s go Guyana! Bring on Barbados. Jump for Jamaica!
There you have it, some readymade sides, while some teams like T&T will benefit more, what with the two Bravos, a young Simmons, and perhaps an older and wiser, Lara; I reckon, this will help cricket in the Carib come to terms with reality, snap from the past.
This could be a reality check for the ICC and world cricket: get beyond obscure new cricketing nations, set your own mad house in order first. Also, Bangladesh could embark on an entire series of series across the islands. Together, they could play and grow as cricketing nations. I’ll be happy, just to know that was the best Leeward Islands’ team playing.
You could also read 'West Indies vs West Indies' over at BCC!
Who fixed these Pakistan, Sri Lanka games?
So far Four Early Bored Calls at Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!) Coincidence, all 4 include Pakistan or Sri Lanka, one even has both Pak and Lanka. All calls were bang on. Cricket, it can be so predictable. Either that or the matches were fixed by us.
July 26, 2009
The long and short of Chaminda Vaas.
Vaas, much like the pitch he bowled on, both packed up after an uneventful 5 days. If Vaas’ return was a surprise, then his retirement was anything but that. Why, all along I thought he had already retired. But as is the case with Jayasuriya, you can never tell who’s in, who’s out – at times I have trouble telling what format Sanath plays, ODIs, IPL, right –no tests for him too? And then, if Lanka has trouble fixing the hole on top, no surprises if they bring back the opener for all seasons.
But let’s stay with Vaas, the boy with the long name and a short ball. At some point in the late 1990s-early 2000s, he unearthed the short ball, and sussed out Saurav Ganguly. Vaas had figured out what made Saurav hop, skip, jump – short, and just around middle and off – and Saurav was anything but God on the offside, the ball ballooned to point or some little helper at hand.
It’s not important how many times Vaas prised out Saurav, what’s significant is how he had him by the short and…from then on, at least for me, Saurav was a marked man. The word got around, Saurav didn’t – and I almost expected Vaas to always knock Saurav out.
In short, that’s Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas for me.
But let’s stay with Vaas, the boy with the long name and a short ball. At some point in the late 1990s-early 2000s, he unearthed the short ball, and sussed out Saurav Ganguly. Vaas had figured out what made Saurav hop, skip, jump – short, and just around middle and off – and Saurav was anything but God on the offside, the ball ballooned to point or some little helper at hand.
It’s not important how many times Vaas prised out Saurav, what’s significant is how he had him by the short and…from then on, at least for me, Saurav was a marked man. The word got around, Saurav didn’t – and I almost expected Vaas to always knock Saurav out.
In short, that’s Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas for me.
July 25, 2009
July 23, 2009
Freddy Steady Go!
Like Ian Andersen on one good leg
Coming down Lord’s hill like one big keg
What you gonna do little Aussie?
What you gonna do?
Here he comes, he comes for you,
Ninety two miles an hour
While up there sits a thin-lipped Andy Flower
Freddy Steady Go!
Freddy Unsteady Go!
No, not quite, not quite
Here he comes, he comes for you,
What you gonna do little Aussie?
What you gonna do?
Ninety two miles an hour
Short and in the face
Out to annihilate the human race
That’s cheating, too heavy too fast
Too many overs, too many overs unchanged
How did he bowl more than four?
What we gonna do, what we gonna score!
Here he comes
He comes for you
Freddy Steady Go!
Such a big bulk of a man
The earth must hurt as he trudges in
He will, gonna breakdown
He will, gonna meltdown
This man don’t belong, not to now
He be some early descendant of the Ape
Will you look at that ball and shape
Ninety two miles an hour
Here he comes
He comes for you
What you gonna do Little Aussie?
What you gonna do?
It’s Freddie. Steady. Go!
Bill Lawry: He’s GAAAAWN!
Coming down Lord’s hill like one big keg
What you gonna do little Aussie?
What you gonna do?
Here he comes, he comes for you,
Ninety two miles an hour
While up there sits a thin-lipped Andy Flower
Freddy Steady Go!
Freddy Unsteady Go!
No, not quite, not quite
Here he comes, he comes for you,
What you gonna do little Aussie?
What you gonna do?
Ninety two miles an hour
Short and in the face
Out to annihilate the human race
That’s cheating, too heavy too fast
Too many overs, too many overs unchanged
How did he bowl more than four?
What we gonna do, what we gonna score!
Here he comes
He comes for you
Freddy Steady Go!
Such a big bulk of a man
The earth must hurt as he trudges in
He will, gonna breakdown
He will, gonna meltdown
This man don’t belong, not to now
He be some early descendant of the Ape
Will you look at that ball and shape
Ninety two miles an hour
Here he comes
He comes for you
What you gonna do Little Aussie?
What you gonna do?
It’s Freddie. Steady. Go!
Bill Lawry: He’s GAAAAWN!
July 22, 2009
Look who wants to have Freddie's baby.
Is that the difference between Freddy and Rahul?
(from March 24, 2006, Freddie vs India)
It didn’t matter who had an upset stomach, a bad back or a pulled muscle. It didn’t matter whether captain, vice captain, ace bowler, spin bowler, all were out of action. It didn’t matter how many players made their test debuts. It didn’t matter how young or old the new bunch were. Andrew Flintoff could have been the last Englishman standing and he still would have knocked the stuffing out of the Indians. They don’t call him their talisman for nothing.
The first big bang was in the summer of 2005 when Flintoff finally walked, no, ran out of Botham’s shadow - 402 runs and 24 wickets in five Tests, setting up the most famous Ashes win ever - one that captured the imagination of a nation and elevated Freddy and cricket to superstar and super-sport status. No longer was cricket soccer’s poor cousin that only suited white sahibs, old fogies and the balmy army watched. Suddenly, Flintoff was bending it like, if not better than Beckham. England was truly taking a reverse swing.
Chew on this; Andrew Flintoff: Wisden Cricketer of the Year 2004, ICC One-Day Player of the Year 2004 ICC Player of the Year 2005, BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2005, Awarded the MBE on 31st December 2005. Freddy Flintoff is all this and more. Undoubtedly, the world’s top all rounder, Flintoff is at the peak of his powers today; not content to be England’s most feared bowler and batsman, he now has the makings of one hell of a shrewd captain. Through all this he even manages one of those disarmingly boyish grins that has English lasses hooting on their Ts –“ Freddy! I want to have your baby”
However, in the 6’ 4” Big Daddy’s path stood a formidable adversary: The Wall, arguably the most dependable test batsman in the world today – how else does one explain the team’s triumphs in the last five-six years. Through these years, it might have been Sachin, Sehwag and Laxman who pulled the killer blows in tests, and got all the hot press and kudos, but rarely, if ever, any Indian win in the past few years has been achieved without a serious contribution from Dravid.
Starting in Kolkata 2001 scoring 180 to partner Laxman’s 281 against Australia; followed by match saving innings at Port Elizabeth, Georgetown and Trent Bridge, and match winning ones at Headlingley, Adelaide, Kandy and Rawalpindi – all this while making four centuries in successive innings, and four double-centuries in 15 Tests. Sample this; Rahul Dravid: Wisden Cricketer of the Year 2000, ICC Test Player of the Year 2004, ICC Player of the Year 2004. And yes, if India had an MBE, he sure would’ve had one too. But when, if ever, did you see a desi kudi in a T-shirt saying “Rahul I want to have your….”
At the start of the India-England test series, Dravid was the more experienced captain and player (a test series in Pakistan, a few ODI series and nearly100 tests compared to Flintoff’s 56); where as Flintoff had the added burden of bowling, often long spells in the hot ‘n muggy Indian summer.
In the final analysis, it might just boil down to the t-shirt quote. After all, how difficult can it be to inspire 10 men when you have an entire nation at your feet? Freddy Flintoff rode the wave, was proclaimed as Lord Rama by the press, and did the impossible – take on India in its own backyard.
Whereas Rahul Dravid at best could rely on his own doggedness and never say die attitude. Meanwhile immortals like Sachin were being booed, Sehwag was sluggish, there was no VVS to partner, the Yuvraj and Kaif selection issue was back to haunt, the Chappell-Ganguly skirmishes were on, and Kumble was the next most reliable batsman after the Wall.
Cricket has rarely been so black and white. It was two deliveries that cost India the test series in Pakistan, and another two the series against England. Two were bowled in the last test at Karachi. Two in the last test in Mumbai. All at Rahul Dravid. And in spite of everything Dravid did, he lost the test series to Pakistan and couldn’t win it against England. The final blow in the Mumbai test 2nd innings: Dravid caught by Jones for 8 off the bowling of Flintoff, who else?
In the India-England test series, two players gave it their all and some more. One had other players whom he could rely on and call his team. Think the English girls might call this bloke Freddy Teddy.
for more Freddie's babies, here you go -
(from March 24, 2006, Freddie vs India)
It didn’t matter who had an upset stomach, a bad back or a pulled muscle. It didn’t matter whether captain, vice captain, ace bowler, spin bowler, all were out of action. It didn’t matter how many players made their test debuts. It didn’t matter how young or old the new bunch were. Andrew Flintoff could have been the last Englishman standing and he still would have knocked the stuffing out of the Indians. They don’t call him their talisman for nothing.
The first big bang was in the summer of 2005 when Flintoff finally walked, no, ran out of Botham’s shadow - 402 runs and 24 wickets in five Tests, setting up the most famous Ashes win ever - one that captured the imagination of a nation and elevated Freddy and cricket to superstar and super-sport status. No longer was cricket soccer’s poor cousin that only suited white sahibs, old fogies and the balmy army watched. Suddenly, Flintoff was bending it like, if not better than Beckham. England was truly taking a reverse swing.
Chew on this; Andrew Flintoff: Wisden Cricketer of the Year 2004, ICC One-Day Player of the Year 2004 ICC Player of the Year 2005, BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2005, Awarded the MBE on 31st December 2005. Freddy Flintoff is all this and more. Undoubtedly, the world’s top all rounder, Flintoff is at the peak of his powers today; not content to be England’s most feared bowler and batsman, he now has the makings of one hell of a shrewd captain. Through all this he even manages one of those disarmingly boyish grins that has English lasses hooting on their Ts –“ Freddy! I want to have your baby”
However, in the 6’ 4” Big Daddy’s path stood a formidable adversary: The Wall, arguably the most dependable test batsman in the world today – how else does one explain the team’s triumphs in the last five-six years. Through these years, it might have been Sachin, Sehwag and Laxman who pulled the killer blows in tests, and got all the hot press and kudos, but rarely, if ever, any Indian win in the past few years has been achieved without a serious contribution from Dravid.
Starting in Kolkata 2001 scoring 180 to partner Laxman’s 281 against Australia; followed by match saving innings at Port Elizabeth, Georgetown and Trent Bridge, and match winning ones at Headlingley, Adelaide, Kandy and Rawalpindi – all this while making four centuries in successive innings, and four double-centuries in 15 Tests. Sample this; Rahul Dravid: Wisden Cricketer of the Year 2000, ICC Test Player of the Year 2004, ICC Player of the Year 2004. And yes, if India had an MBE, he sure would’ve had one too. But when, if ever, did you see a desi kudi in a T-shirt saying “Rahul I want to have your….”
At the start of the India-England test series, Dravid was the more experienced captain and player (a test series in Pakistan, a few ODI series and nearly100 tests compared to Flintoff’s 56); where as Flintoff had the added burden of bowling, often long spells in the hot ‘n muggy Indian summer.
In the final analysis, it might just boil down to the t-shirt quote. After all, how difficult can it be to inspire 10 men when you have an entire nation at your feet? Freddy Flintoff rode the wave, was proclaimed as Lord Rama by the press, and did the impossible – take on India in its own backyard.
Whereas Rahul Dravid at best could rely on his own doggedness and never say die attitude. Meanwhile immortals like Sachin were being booed, Sehwag was sluggish, there was no VVS to partner, the Yuvraj and Kaif selection issue was back to haunt, the Chappell-Ganguly skirmishes were on, and Kumble was the next most reliable batsman after the Wall.
Cricket has rarely been so black and white. It was two deliveries that cost India the test series in Pakistan, and another two the series against England. Two were bowled in the last test at Karachi. Two in the last test in Mumbai. All at Rahul Dravid. And in spite of everything Dravid did, he lost the test series to Pakistan and couldn’t win it against England. The final blow in the Mumbai test 2nd innings: Dravid caught by Jones for 8 off the bowling of Flintoff, who else?
In the India-England test series, two players gave it their all and some more. One had other players whom he could rely on and call his team. Think the English girls might call this bloke Freddy Teddy.
for more Freddie's babies, here you go -
July 21, 2009
Thank you Freddie, for having Australia before lunch.
There is a taste to a session, how it unravels, the way the fielders move, who bowls first up – Yeah, Flintoff was there. No chances, new ball at Australia, new day at them too.
Australia wanted to score, but they could barely breathe. Asphyxiation a third party sport, if you watched, there was no way you weren’t sucked in.
And Freddie ballet man, after each wicket, down on a knee, applause! - there was no final curtain – it was encore after encore.
Such heavy balls he bowled, it wasn’t just speeds of 92 mph, it was the weight of each delivery – Clarke and Haddin, merrymakers till last night, badly hung-over now.
The day was seized, and we watched Flintoff seize each moment of the little day – what the devil got into him now?
Can he survive the next test, does that matter – Flintoff has won Lord’s, broken the 75 year old Voodoo, so let him go lounge.
Could you please make Sir Freddie a drink, he is thirsty. Earlier he was hungry and had Australia.
Australia wanted to score, but they could barely breathe. Asphyxiation a third party sport, if you watched, there was no way you weren’t sucked in.
And Freddie ballet man, after each wicket, down on a knee, applause! - there was no final curtain – it was encore after encore.
Such heavy balls he bowled, it wasn’t just speeds of 92 mph, it was the weight of each delivery – Clarke and Haddin, merrymakers till last night, badly hung-over now.
The day was seized, and we watched Flintoff seize each moment of the little day – what the devil got into him now?
Can he survive the next test, does that matter – Flintoff has won Lord’s, broken the 75 year old Voodoo, so let him go lounge.
Could you please make Sir Freddie a drink, he is thirsty. Earlier he was hungry and had Australia.
July 20, 2009
July 19, 2009
The 6th and 7th Day of a test match.
In times when a 5 day test is like four days and 50 overs too many, appears I’m getting ahead of myself with the idea of a 6th and 7th day test. It’s like this: I wake up late Sunday morning thinking about poor England, and how it could possibly rain on their Lord’s dreams – if they haven’t won a test versus Australia in more than 70 years here, you think much is going to change in the next two days?
The fickle English weather has reared its ugly head through the series – only last night, on the 2nd evening again. Looks like the weather will mess with England again – we’re talking 6 sessions now, but that could quite easily become 4, at best 4 ½. Of course, on the face of it, surviving 4 should be easier than 6, but if the rains are sporadic, they could mess with Australia too – on and off, and here you again, on and off again.
Not that easy to concentrate, is it? Take your guard again. Put your thinking helmet on again. Loosen those legs again. Get warmed up again. As for England, the timing of the rains could be a heaven-sent, esp. for Freddie Flintoff. He could bowl a few, and then retire to his chambers. And then blast away a few and go drink a Mojito.
But let’s look at the not so romantic – if the test is washed out, and the result is a no-result. So we had five days, and it just didn’t quite work out, did it? I suggest in such cases, the match referee along with the umpires work out a solution – work for a result by compensating for time lost to the weather. So if we lose 40 overs in the first 5 days, let them make them up on a 6thday. But only do so, if they are convinced of a result.
Which takes us back to the 1st test at Cardiff – where we lost more than a few overs to the weather – and we were that close to a result? Bring on the 6th day.
Of course, you can argue, what if more than 90 overs are lost, do we bring on the 7th day – say, in a scenario where both teams are dismissed cheaply, but even six days cannot force a result. More than likely in the ongoing West Indies-Bangladesh test series. Where runs are at a premium and the two teams are highly discounted. I’d be forced to say, in this case make the test a 3 day game, and Lord have mercy – but 7 days is a tad too much, isn’t it? Or is it?
For heaven’s sake, it’s a whole week. And when you say 6 days, it’s still 6 days and not a week. They were playing from Friday the 6th to Friday the 13th. That’s all test cricket needs. So I’ll pass on the 7th day.
But here, when the laggards England, are on to something highly unlikely, I wish them good weather, and a real push at Oz. And if the Aussies overhaul 500, so be it. It is England they are playing, after all.
If you care for test cricket, and think the Ashes are still something special, you need to take a look at the Border Gavaskar trophy – let’s make it the Mother of all test series. Let’s make it Teri 'Marquee' series! Swing by Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!) – and show you give a damn. It’s a start. At keeping the end away – test cricket is dead, long live Teri Maa Ki!
The fickle English weather has reared its ugly head through the series – only last night, on the 2nd evening again. Looks like the weather will mess with England again – we’re talking 6 sessions now, but that could quite easily become 4, at best 4 ½. Of course, on the face of it, surviving 4 should be easier than 6, but if the rains are sporadic, they could mess with Australia too – on and off, and here you again, on and off again.
Not that easy to concentrate, is it? Take your guard again. Put your thinking helmet on again. Loosen those legs again. Get warmed up again. As for England, the timing of the rains could be a heaven-sent, esp. for Freddie Flintoff. He could bowl a few, and then retire to his chambers. And then blast away a few and go drink a Mojito.
But let’s look at the not so romantic – if the test is washed out, and the result is a no-result. So we had five days, and it just didn’t quite work out, did it? I suggest in such cases, the match referee along with the umpires work out a solution – work for a result by compensating for time lost to the weather. So if we lose 40 overs in the first 5 days, let them make them up on a 6thday. But only do so, if they are convinced of a result.
Which takes us back to the 1st test at Cardiff – where we lost more than a few overs to the weather – and we were that close to a result? Bring on the 6th day.
Of course, you can argue, what if more than 90 overs are lost, do we bring on the 7th day – say, in a scenario where both teams are dismissed cheaply, but even six days cannot force a result. More than likely in the ongoing West Indies-Bangladesh test series. Where runs are at a premium and the two teams are highly discounted. I’d be forced to say, in this case make the test a 3 day game, and Lord have mercy – but 7 days is a tad too much, isn’t it? Or is it?
For heaven’s sake, it’s a whole week. And when you say 6 days, it’s still 6 days and not a week. They were playing from Friday the 6th to Friday the 13th. That’s all test cricket needs. So I’ll pass on the 7th day.
But here, when the laggards England, are on to something highly unlikely, I wish them good weather, and a real push at Oz. And if the Aussies overhaul 500, so be it. It is England they are playing, after all.
If you care for test cricket, and think the Ashes are still something special, you need to take a look at the Border Gavaskar trophy – let’s make it the Mother of all test series. Let’s make it Teri 'Marquee' series! Swing by Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!) – and show you give a damn. It’s a start. At keeping the end away – test cricket is dead, long live Teri Maa Ki!
July 16, 2009
The Sachin Tendulkar, Andrew Flintoff, Shoaib Akhtar and Michael Jackson non-musical tribute: Breakdance2
SRT: Break is the secret of my energy!
AF, SA, MJ (Chorus): Break is the secret of our energy!
(If you come by the old Boost TVC when Viru had hair on his head, and Tendu a firm head on his shoulders, you'll notice, the master first says "Boost is the secret of my energy" and then the chorus, " Boost is the secret of our energy")
AF, SA, MJ (Chorus): Break is the secret of our energy!
(If you come by the old Boost TVC when Viru had hair on his head, and Tendu a firm head on his shoulders, you'll notice, the master first says "Boost is the secret of my energy" and then the chorus, " Boost is the secret of our energy")
July 15, 2009
The Andrew Flintoff, Shoaib Akhtar and Michael Jackson Musical Tribute: Break Dance!
MJ: OWWWW that hurts!
SA: XGJ&$:)**& YAAA!
AF: I could break Yuvraj’s Ba**s!
MJ: What have you broken guys OWWW!
Chorus:
There’s nothing you cannot mend
If you’re playing cricket with a friend
Just send me all your broken bros
Send me all your broken bros
SA: IHitMaLaagWithMaBaat %#@$$
AF: Gawn out drinkin when I fell over and somethin snapped
MJ: It’s marvellous - to be with you bro, share your worries and your broken hearts
Hold you close, close to my heart, far away from those dirty tarts!
You don’t need no WAGS
You don’t need no shags
If it’s broken, it will mend
It it’s broken, it will mend
Doing the break, doing the break,
Doing the break dance dude
SA: CRAAAZY! Hhaha! NeverSeenAnythingLikeThat MJ! YouROCKMJ!
AF: I’m hungover #@>>>>>>>>> Aspirin anybody?
MJ: You need a rub, I’ll call my masseur
He’ll play the Casio
While we dance out in the patio
Just the three of us, what a ratio
Doing the break, doing the break
Doing the break dance dude.
SA: Naastie maan, youMJ!
AF: Bollocks!
MJ: You’re tough to please
Is your career on lease?
Do they call you pretty boy, wata tease
Have you made enough to pay Doctor’s fees?
I might not always be with you
But I’ll always be with you
Doing the break, doing the break
Doing the break dance dude!
SA: ………
AF: ………
And that’s where we take a Break.
SA: XGJ&$:)**& YAAA!
AF: I could break Yuvraj’s Ba**s!
MJ: What have you broken guys OWWW!
Chorus:
There’s nothing you cannot mend
If you’re playing cricket with a friend
Just send me all your broken bros
Send me all your broken bros
SA: IHitMaLaagWithMaBaat %#@$$
AF: Gawn out drinkin when I fell over and somethin snapped
MJ: It’s marvellous - to be with you bro, share your worries and your broken hearts
Hold you close, close to my heart, far away from those dirty tarts!
You don’t need no WAGS
You don’t need no shags
If it’s broken, it will mend
It it’s broken, it will mend
Doing the break, doing the break,
Doing the break dance dude
SA: CRAAAZY! Hhaha! NeverSeenAnythingLikeThat MJ! YouROCKMJ!
AF: I’m hungover #@>>>>>>>>> Aspirin anybody?
MJ: You need a rub, I’ll call my masseur
He’ll play the Casio
While we dance out in the patio
Just the three of us, what a ratio
Doing the break, doing the break
Doing the break dance dude.
SA: Naastie maan, youMJ!
AF: Bollocks!
MJ: You’re tough to please
Is your career on lease?
Do they call you pretty boy, wata tease
Have you made enough to pay Doctor’s fees?
I might not always be with you
But I’ll always be with you
Doing the break, doing the break
Doing the break dance dude!
SA: ………
AF: ………
And that’s where we take a Break.
July 14, 2009
Pakistan cricket team for SALE.
A wealthy Pakistani shows interest in purchasing the Pak cricket team, and showing them around the world as a travelling circus.
However, there’s a problem – the players are tall, big built, with even bigger egos, “Space is a problem, how will they ever fit?” he asks the PCB salesman.
To which the PCB salesman replies, “Don’t worry sir, they are collapsible”
However, there’s a problem – the players are tall, big built, with even bigger egos, “Space is a problem, how will they ever fit?” he asks the PCB salesman.
To which the PCB salesman replies, “Don’t worry sir, they are collapsible”
July 12, 2009
"Let's drop the cheque at ICC"
BCC! can get to you. Earlier today, I had to drop this cheque off at the Green Park ICICI drop box - so I informed my walking companion, “Let’s drop the cheque at ICC”. You know, ICICI is such a mouthful, can you bring yourself to say ICICI in a normal conversation? Then again, not as if you can bank on the ICC. Or for that matter the BCCI. But that's an altogether different walk of thought.
PS: Scary. When I posted this post, an Ad appeared. It was ICICI.
PS: Scary. When I posted this post, an Ad appeared. It was ICICI.
July 10, 2009
Ricky Ponting rises for the Ashes.
I don’t like Ricky Ponting. I don’t like him to the extent that when we made eye contact, as he walked down the Kotla-steps, I gave him the royal thumbs down. Now I’m no Caesar, but then Ricky was no gladiator either. Also when he spoke at Mohali, I roared, “Get Symonds!” The Aussie missed a beat and the Indians glared at me.
Once upon a time I liked Ponting. When it was more about his cricket than his Machiavellian ways. That was when Cyrus Barocha called him the world’s best batsman on a cricket show. It sounded right, right that an Indian said it, and said it on an Indian show. He was the best batsman, needed to be said, not just in pulp, but on air.
And then stuff other than cricket happened. Ponting became the most despised cricketer in India. His zeroes were Diwali, his failures Dusherra. If only each time he walked back, dismissed, some ruffians could do a Holi routine on him.
Ironical, but as always, even in such times, Ponting continued to evoke – first it was his cricket, now the cricketer, if you can call him that. But what was odd, how his batting brought no joy – it’s not as if he wasn’t scoring runs, I just couldn’t care less.
All of a sudden I see Ricky Ponting swivel, cricket dance, cricket trance - moves in line with the ball, the ball aligns with his world - and in that one pull shot off Chris Broad, a million camera angles come into play (like they did for Sachin in that adidas ad). Only here, Ponting manipulates the telecast and the viewer – but then, hasn’t he always? With the repeat replays, he makes you grip bat and play shot. And it has nothing to do with Broad, or the six 6s every Indian hit him for with Yuvraj –it is one boundary, four runs, in the vast canvas of a five day game. One that will go largely unnoticed, forgotten in an Ashes’ archive.
But it will stay with me. In a small, warped way it is Ricky’s redemption - a sign that he can get back to playing sport, not just playing games.
Which is when he aligns a somewhat neutral fan like me – what will it take for Ponting to take England on, singlehandedly – to beat them into the Welsh earth, and make them forget their English roots. It is such ruthless domination that you demand of the best – and when they fail to deliver, the distractions take over.
It’s time Ponting realised that even before an administrator, communicator, he is a batsman. And a darn good one at that.
Want to be abused by cricket - here's the 'fuck you hundred!'
Once upon a time I liked Ponting. When it was more about his cricket than his Machiavellian ways. That was when Cyrus Barocha called him the world’s best batsman on a cricket show. It sounded right, right that an Indian said it, and said it on an Indian show. He was the best batsman, needed to be said, not just in pulp, but on air.
And then stuff other than cricket happened. Ponting became the most despised cricketer in India. His zeroes were Diwali, his failures Dusherra. If only each time he walked back, dismissed, some ruffians could do a Holi routine on him.
Ironical, but as always, even in such times, Ponting continued to evoke – first it was his cricket, now the cricketer, if you can call him that. But what was odd, how his batting brought no joy – it’s not as if he wasn’t scoring runs, I just couldn’t care less.
All of a sudden I see Ricky Ponting swivel, cricket dance, cricket trance - moves in line with the ball, the ball aligns with his world - and in that one pull shot off Chris Broad, a million camera angles come into play (like they did for Sachin in that adidas ad). Only here, Ponting manipulates the telecast and the viewer – but then, hasn’t he always? With the repeat replays, he makes you grip bat and play shot. And it has nothing to do with Broad, or the six 6s every Indian hit him for with Yuvraj –it is one boundary, four runs, in the vast canvas of a five day game. One that will go largely unnoticed, forgotten in an Ashes’ archive.
But it will stay with me. In a small, warped way it is Ricky’s redemption - a sign that he can get back to playing sport, not just playing games.
Which is when he aligns a somewhat neutral fan like me – what will it take for Ponting to take England on, singlehandedly – to beat them into the Welsh earth, and make them forget their English roots. It is such ruthless domination that you demand of the best – and when they fail to deliver, the distractions take over.
It’s time Ponting realised that even before an administrator, communicator, he is a batsman. And a darn good one at that.
Want to be abused by cricket - here's the 'fuck you hundred!'
Freddie, Yuvi, Roy, Boom Boom and the cool maan.
‘Ricky
is from Tasmania
But it’s tricky
for those who’re from Talisman-ia’
“Freddie is their talisman”. Through the Ashes, through the English summers, through every game that Freddie plays, you’re bound to hear, that cockney sparkle in Bumble’s voice announce, “make no mistake… Freddie is England’s talisman” It’s as if the word talisman was made to coexist with Freddie’s exploits. It didn’t matter how much or how little he did, he was Freddie Flintoff, he was England’s talisman – “and any ball now, any ball now, England could be released”
If Freddie is doing too little, or indisposed, that is easily explained by injury or lack of support from the other end – the price Freddie pays for being leader of the pack and being bowled into the ground or falling off the ship.
The closest to Freddie in the Indian ranks is Yuvi. Listen, how similar they sound – Freddie, Yuvi. And how both have similarly underachieved, yet in our heart’s eye, they’re simply the best. They can change the cricket world on its axis, and a game, with a glare. They aren’t entirely about cricket, nor can they be – their appeal is beyond sport, and for them, we are always game. We can't get enough of them – nor can the billboards or the bimbos. They are the quintessential star players.
Across the border, the closest such star that defies logic is Afridi. He has his own jingle – Boom Boom Afridi! It’s part of every Paki banner to every com box in every land that Boom Boom does or doesn’t do his Boom Boom in.
Another fascinating similarity between these players is how we accept them, almost in spite of themselves – “all is forgiven, come home Yuvi” Slack fitness, repeat injuries and offences are easily overlooked, rock star ways are wantonly indulged. It could have been Mick Jagger and not Freddie, and we wouldn’t have known the difference.
In the Windies, their super boy talisman is captain, Gayle. The yellow shades, the Rastafari swagger, every match is a T20 and I will bowl-a-few approach.
Australia had Symonds, and then Symonds had Australia, and then they both had enough – but teams like Pakistan, India, England, and even the Windies continue to challenge themselves.
Is it because these players do not just determine the outcome of a game, they dictate the very commerce of cricket.
Mildfred: What’re you rebelling against, Johnny?”
Johnny: Whaddya got?
They are the Johnnies, the wild ones, the rebels – and it doesn’t matter if they win a game, score a run, or run through the batting, the fact that they’re playing means anything can happen.
It’s as much their frailties as their super achieving powers that make them. We accept them not just because of what they do, but because of what they could have done.
We lost a game but had Yuvi fired we would have surely won. It is always within Freddie’s grasp. And like you saw, if Afridi gets firing you win the World Cup.
These guys do it on their own. With them it ceases to be a team sport. It is a one man show. And that’s what the movies are about. And that’s where we love to live. Because reality bites.
This piece started with this
is from Tasmania
But it’s tricky
for those who’re from Talisman-ia’
“Freddie is their talisman”. Through the Ashes, through the English summers, through every game that Freddie plays, you’re bound to hear, that cockney sparkle in Bumble’s voice announce, “make no mistake… Freddie is England’s talisman” It’s as if the word talisman was made to coexist with Freddie’s exploits. It didn’t matter how much or how little he did, he was Freddie Flintoff, he was England’s talisman – “and any ball now, any ball now, England could be released”
If Freddie is doing too little, or indisposed, that is easily explained by injury or lack of support from the other end – the price Freddie pays for being leader of the pack and being bowled into the ground or falling off the ship.
The closest to Freddie in the Indian ranks is Yuvi. Listen, how similar they sound – Freddie, Yuvi. And how both have similarly underachieved, yet in our heart’s eye, they’re simply the best. They can change the cricket world on its axis, and a game, with a glare. They aren’t entirely about cricket, nor can they be – their appeal is beyond sport, and for them, we are always game. We can't get enough of them – nor can the billboards or the bimbos. They are the quintessential star players.
Across the border, the closest such star that defies logic is Afridi. He has his own jingle – Boom Boom Afridi! It’s part of every Paki banner to every com box in every land that Boom Boom does or doesn’t do his Boom Boom in.
Another fascinating similarity between these players is how we accept them, almost in spite of themselves – “all is forgiven, come home Yuvi” Slack fitness, repeat injuries and offences are easily overlooked, rock star ways are wantonly indulged. It could have been Mick Jagger and not Freddie, and we wouldn’t have known the difference.
In the Windies, their super boy talisman is captain, Gayle. The yellow shades, the Rastafari swagger, every match is a T20 and I will bowl-a-few approach.
Australia had Symonds, and then Symonds had Australia, and then they both had enough – but teams like Pakistan, India, England, and even the Windies continue to challenge themselves.
Is it because these players do not just determine the outcome of a game, they dictate the very commerce of cricket.
Mildfred: What’re you rebelling against, Johnny?”
Johnny: Whaddya got?
They are the Johnnies, the wild ones, the rebels – and it doesn’t matter if they win a game, score a run, or run through the batting, the fact that they’re playing means anything can happen.
It’s as much their frailties as their super achieving powers that make them. We accept them not just because of what they do, but because of what they could have done.
We lost a game but had Yuvi fired we would have surely won. It is always within Freddie’s grasp. And like you saw, if Afridi gets firing you win the World Cup.
These guys do it on their own. With them it ceases to be a team sport. It is a one man show. And that’s what the movies are about. And that’s where we love to live. Because reality bites.
This piece started with this
July 09, 2009
July 04, 2009
The World will forget your name, Dinesh Karthik.
Face it Karthik there’s not much to remember about you. You are not up against your keeping or your batting, you are up against MS Dhoni’s aura. If it was just his keeping or his batting that you had to beat, you stood a chance – but now, it’s goddamn tough. Not impossible, but like scaling a cricketing Everest.
It’s not as if you’ve got nothing going your way. You had a cracking IPL, scored runs in T20 primetime – limited over cricket is the key here. Even though you were a low profile player in a low profile team, you scored – playing some incredible pulls and cuts too. And yeah, you can use your feet and your mind too. Nobody can take that away from you. If I recall, your keeping wasn’t any worse than MSD’s. You were ok. More a team player with the Delhi Daredevils than you ever looked with the Indian Angels.
Don’t know if it’s a curse or what, that Chappell placed his hand on your head, but you gotta live in the today. You’ve just landed two breaks out of nowhere. Sure the T20 World Cup didn’t land you a game, but this one-day series did. You are opening in a one-day game. You may never do so again. Ask Saurav and Sachin what it is to open in an ODI – it can make your career, it comes with half a dozen licenses – watchful, streaky, bullish, easy does it, let loose, go bonkers, chill, tank up on the runs. With each ODI innings comes one helluva chance to score a hundred – nowhere bowlers, everywhere runs, lick the gaps, kid.
And then you got that incredible thing going your way – form. Why is it so hard to fathom – are you in the form of somebody else’s life? Take a deep breath, do some yoga kid. Don’t do a Dilshan. Even Dilshan looks like a dodo when he tries the Dilscoop one too many times. Good for you, it came off once, went for six. It didn’t second time, you look like an adolescent. You should know how matured MSD is, he would never play a shot like that. Maturity is the new mantra in Indian cricket. Who do you want to be Karthik?
The kid who scored a 60 odd when he could get even with a 100? Nobody forgets 100s, ask your Dilli skipper, he told that to Akash Chopra once. Chopra hasn’t forgotten, don’t think he ever will. Ok, so a failure in between, and then you’re back in biz 3rd ODI. Be wary of Gambhir, he still thinks he’s running with Sehwag. That’s how it works for him.
Figure what works for you – it’s incredible you scored 47(43) with some of the hara-kiri between the wickets. Again, nobody will remember this 47, because Boss scored 46(35) and won the game.
Worse for you, Boss gotta face-saving 95 when you made only 4. Looks like he got the man-of-the-series award too. What you got, kid?
It’s not as if you’ve got nothing going your way. You had a cracking IPL, scored runs in T20 primetime – limited over cricket is the key here. Even though you were a low profile player in a low profile team, you scored – playing some incredible pulls and cuts too. And yeah, you can use your feet and your mind too. Nobody can take that away from you. If I recall, your keeping wasn’t any worse than MSD’s. You were ok. More a team player with the Delhi Daredevils than you ever looked with the Indian Angels.
Don’t know if it’s a curse or what, that Chappell placed his hand on your head, but you gotta live in the today. You’ve just landed two breaks out of nowhere. Sure the T20 World Cup didn’t land you a game, but this one-day series did. You are opening in a one-day game. You may never do so again. Ask Saurav and Sachin what it is to open in an ODI – it can make your career, it comes with half a dozen licenses – watchful, streaky, bullish, easy does it, let loose, go bonkers, chill, tank up on the runs. With each ODI innings comes one helluva chance to score a hundred – nowhere bowlers, everywhere runs, lick the gaps, kid.
And then you got that incredible thing going your way – form. Why is it so hard to fathom – are you in the form of somebody else’s life? Take a deep breath, do some yoga kid. Don’t do a Dilshan. Even Dilshan looks like a dodo when he tries the Dilscoop one too many times. Good for you, it came off once, went for six. It didn’t second time, you look like an adolescent. You should know how matured MSD is, he would never play a shot like that. Maturity is the new mantra in Indian cricket. Who do you want to be Karthik?
The kid who scored a 60 odd when he could get even with a 100? Nobody forgets 100s, ask your Dilli skipper, he told that to Akash Chopra once. Chopra hasn’t forgotten, don’t think he ever will. Ok, so a failure in between, and then you’re back in biz 3rd ODI. Be wary of Gambhir, he still thinks he’s running with Sehwag. That’s how it works for him.
Figure what works for you – it’s incredible you scored 47(43) with some of the hara-kiri between the wickets. Again, nobody will remember this 47, because Boss scored 46(35) and won the game.
Worse for you, Boss gotta face-saving 95 when you made only 4. Looks like he got the man-of-the-series award too. What you got, kid?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
