Yeh kya hua…kaise hua…kyon hua…plays, as a 17 year old kid runs up a derelict spiral staircase to his pad. Interspersed is also the news of Pakistani players spot fixing.
The kid kicks open his room door – he enters a room that’s plastered with cricket posters from wall to wall.
He starts to hurl stuff around in a rage. The TV is on, something about the spot fixing…he hurls a cricket ball at the TV. TV explodes.
By now the boy’s gone nuts ripping his room apart, running a knife through the cricketer’s posters. When he’s done with the posters, and there’s nothing left to deface, he pauses for a second.
He notices the tattoo on his arm – there’s a heart, followed by the word Cricket.
He rips into his tattoo with the knife. Blood.
This was a film idea I had 10 years back during the match fixing scandal. The kid was Indian, the location was the room over my garage. Since then the stairs have mended and the kid's nationality has changed. If you want to make the film, let's talk.
August 30, 2010
August 28, 2010
Broad implications
Cricket has bad days. Yesterday was one such day, Broad made a hundred.
What does this mean – he is England’s answer to the world’s first true all-rounder. Not just a bowler, batsman, but good enough to be a match-referee. Under him, the Barmy Army will rechristen itself Daddy’s army.
Freddie Flintoff will finally retire from all forms of cricket. He will become the first retainer waterboy, Yuvi, the second – the two will sledge each other in drinks' breaks the world over. ‘Look at you…you should be carrying Diet Coke.”
On Bored: Broad celebrates maiden hundred
What does this mean – he is England’s answer to the world’s first true all-rounder. Not just a bowler, batsman, but good enough to be a match-referee. Under him, the Barmy Army will rechristen itself Daddy’s army.
Freddie Flintoff will finally retire from all forms of cricket. He will become the first retainer waterboy, Yuvi, the second – the two will sledge each other in drinks' breaks the world over. ‘Look at you…you should be carrying Diet Coke.”
On Bored: Broad celebrates maiden hundred
August 21, 2010
A single man
I didn’t always like Younis Khan. There was an ugliness to his batting and he scored far too much against India. Then Pakistan and India stopped playing each other, Younis stopped making runs, still he smiled. Then Pakistan stopped playing altogether, still he smiled. Then Pakistan started playing, Younis didn’t make many runs, still he smiled.
The exact sequence of events is a mere approximation, but it is true, Younis smiled through it all. He captained them to the T20 World Cup, and then walked away from T20 cricket itself. It is not clear whether Dravid got into his ear, or for that matter in Graeme Smith’s ear, but to win and call it quits, it takes a deep rooted understanding of sport’s greatest clichés – quit when on top. Explains why Sachin goes away every few months, he’s on top, gotta sustain it.
But this is about Younis. It’s mind boggling that Pak plays test cricket and he does not. If Shoaib Malik can be given a second chance, we should even revisit bodyline.
As for Younis, he’s had it far from easy; in his young life he had already lost many of his family, guess that smile is one way of staying sane. And then to contend with Pakistan cricket.
For me, he’s always been their man at 3 – 12 of his 16 centuries are at that position, in those 12, there’s a double, a triple, and a score of 199.
Instead, Pak have found in a debutant, Wahab Riaz, a number three batsman. Sure he came in as a nightwatchman, but 27 runs, accumulated over close to two hours, that’s more than all their No 3 suitors have batted collectively.
Lest we forget, Younis averages over 50, both at 3, and in his career. At three, he’s a few more decimal points than his career average. For someone as fickle as Ijaz Butt, and his band of hoodlums, if anything those decimal points could make the difference, as they refuse to see the larger picture.
But for Younis to return, Pakistan must lose to England at the Oval and at Lord’s, and Butt must sustain his poor form. The cyclical nature of Pak cricket will continue, and by next year, I will be captain, playing my first test for Pakistan.
On Bored: A day in the life of Younis Khan
The exact sequence of events is a mere approximation, but it is true, Younis smiled through it all. He captained them to the T20 World Cup, and then walked away from T20 cricket itself. It is not clear whether Dravid got into his ear, or for that matter in Graeme Smith’s ear, but to win and call it quits, it takes a deep rooted understanding of sport’s greatest clichés – quit when on top. Explains why Sachin goes away every few months, he’s on top, gotta sustain it.
But this is about Younis. It’s mind boggling that Pak plays test cricket and he does not. If Shoaib Malik can be given a second chance, we should even revisit bodyline.
As for Younis, he’s had it far from easy; in his young life he had already lost many of his family, guess that smile is one way of staying sane. And then to contend with Pakistan cricket.
For me, he’s always been their man at 3 – 12 of his 16 centuries are at that position, in those 12, there’s a double, a triple, and a score of 199.
Instead, Pak have found in a debutant, Wahab Riaz, a number three batsman. Sure he came in as a nightwatchman, but 27 runs, accumulated over close to two hours, that’s more than all their No 3 suitors have batted collectively.
Lest we forget, Younis averages over 50, both at 3, and in his career. At three, he’s a few more decimal points than his career average. For someone as fickle as Ijaz Butt, and his band of hoodlums, if anything those decimal points could make the difference, as they refuse to see the larger picture.
But for Younis to return, Pakistan must lose to England at the Oval and at Lord’s, and Butt must sustain his poor form. The cyclical nature of Pak cricket will continue, and by next year, I will be captain, playing my first test for Pakistan.
On Bored: A day in the life of Younis Khan
August 20, 2010
Welcome back MoYo.
I like it when players come out of retirement. MoYo was sulking when he went away. Back at the Oval, he looked one with the universe of cricket again. This was his scene, he was the man, amongst his pre-pubescent teammates.
It’s when you reacquaint yourself with the minor quirks of a player that you realize how much you like the guy’s cricket – his nod to the non-striker, in a weird way, reminded me of Sachin’s nod to himself. Those crazy, black holes for eyes, where many a bowler's been lost.
His beard made me curious as always, and I realized it’s not as long as I make it in the toons – bit it’s still a caricature of a beard. But that’s MoYo, he’s been something a cartoon.
But can this cartoon play. From the defence, to the nod to the bowler, the few steps down, after one of those defensive blocks, and his movement across the crease. His communication with Azhar Ali, looked like he was shepherding a favourite nephew.
And then that cover drive, isn’t that why we want to watch MoYo? But the shot of the day, and you’d be lucky if you saw it, was MoYo waiting, waiting, waiting…playing the quick late, like he was a slow train coming, angled bat, fine, well past second slip, to third man for four. It had to be third man, for that’s where MoYo loves it.
If MoYo wasn’t so eccentric, we’d talk about his cricket more.
On Bored: Loads more on MoYo
It’s when you reacquaint yourself with the minor quirks of a player that you realize how much you like the guy’s cricket – his nod to the non-striker, in a weird way, reminded me of Sachin’s nod to himself. Those crazy, black holes for eyes, where many a bowler's been lost.
His beard made me curious as always, and I realized it’s not as long as I make it in the toons – bit it’s still a caricature of a beard. But that’s MoYo, he’s been something a cartoon.
But can this cartoon play. From the defence, to the nod to the bowler, the few steps down, after one of those defensive blocks, and his movement across the crease. His communication with Azhar Ali, looked like he was shepherding a favourite nephew.
And then that cover drive, isn’t that why we want to watch MoYo? But the shot of the day, and you’d be lucky if you saw it, was MoYo waiting, waiting, waiting…playing the quick late, like he was a slow train coming, angled bat, fine, well past second slip, to third man for four. It had to be third man, for that’s where MoYo loves it.
If MoYo wasn’t so eccentric, we’d talk about his cricket more.
On Bored: Loads more on MoYo
August 18, 2010
August 17, 2010
August 16, 2010
Yuvi sings the blues
hey, hey, hey
Why do i gotta play
play such a slow game
slow game slow game slow game
why do i gotta think
think before i play
play such a slow game
these spinners and these swinging balls
that leave me, leave me, leave me
outside off, off, off, off
it's not on baby, it's not on baby
I wanna throw the kitchen sink at you
But they say somebody gotta do the dishes first
Hey, I don't wanna do the dishes baby
I just wanna throw the kitchen sink at you baby
But this test cricket, oh she's such a bitch, baby
She wants me to think, think, think
But what about the **%$#% Sehwag
He don't think, he don't think
And I'm the chosen one baby
I've been chosen, not once, but twice, thrice,
But so many times baby
If only it was easy as in Pakistan
I'd just retire from test cricket
Y'kno Boom Boom played 27 tests in 12 years
Oh man, that's so fucking cute
And I, what I do
I played 34 tests in 7 years
My average is 35, his something 36
No wonder I'm singing the blues
And now here I am sick in Sri Lanka
No, no, no don't get me wrong
I'm not sick of Sri Lanka
I'm sick in Sri Lanka
I may not retire from test cricket
but hell, am gonna retire for the night
There's a big game on tomorrow
And small mercies, I'm not playing
I'm gonna get better
and whip some one-day sides ass into shape
Till then, till then, it's not as bad as it seems
No sour grapes, no sour grapes, baby
I'm gonna snarl back into shape.
F*ck you dengue
On Bored: Get swell soon, Yuvraj
Why do i gotta play
play such a slow game
slow game slow game slow game
why do i gotta think
think before i play
play such a slow game
these spinners and these swinging balls
that leave me, leave me, leave me
outside off, off, off, off
it's not on baby, it's not on baby
I wanna throw the kitchen sink at you
But they say somebody gotta do the dishes first
Hey, I don't wanna do the dishes baby
I just wanna throw the kitchen sink at you baby
But this test cricket, oh she's such a bitch, baby
She wants me to think, think, think
But what about the **%$#% Sehwag
He don't think, he don't think
And I'm the chosen one baby
I've been chosen, not once, but twice, thrice,
But so many times baby
If only it was easy as in Pakistan
I'd just retire from test cricket
Y'kno Boom Boom played 27 tests in 12 years
Oh man, that's so fucking cute
And I, what I do
I played 34 tests in 7 years
My average is 35, his something 36
No wonder I'm singing the blues
And now here I am sick in Sri Lanka
No, no, no don't get me wrong
I'm not sick of Sri Lanka
I'm sick in Sri Lanka
I may not retire from test cricket
but hell, am gonna retire for the night
There's a big game on tomorrow
And small mercies, I'm not playing
I'm gonna get better
and whip some one-day sides ass into shape
Till then, till then, it's not as bad as it seems
No sour grapes, no sour grapes, baby
I'm gonna snarl back into shape.
F*ck you dengue
On Bored: Get swell soon, Yuvraj
August 11, 2010
August 07, 2010
If I was a ball
If you was a ball
Whose bat would you be touched by
If you was a ball
Whose bat would you be touched by
If I was a ball I’d like to stay in shape
I’d like to travel far beyond the boundary ropes
If I was a ball
I’d like to go for an on drive
I’d like fielders running after me
Like boys run after girls
I’d like them to chase me, always interested somehow
Never giving up hope
I’d like to be played off the pads
Pulled and cut and flicked
But never in anger
I may be a ball, but I got my feelings
Feelings that very few can tell
Feelings that very special few can tell
Very, very special few can tell
If I was a ball, I’d like to be touched
By VVS’ bat
He doesn’t ignore, he plays me
With his bat
The pads they’re part of his uniform
What’s with Laxman, he’s always in form
If I was a ball, If you was a ball
August 04, 2010
August 01, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
