March 28, 2010

MoYo - wake me up before you go go!

Players like MoYo never retire. They are banned, ostracized. Often ignored, not picked from the team hotel for the game, but in spite of that, their thick skin endures them to life’s ruthless ways. When life settles, it unsettles them.

A captaincy can provoke such unsettlement in the extreme. Poor MoYo, he was all shook up by the captaincy. As I have said before, it is not easy captaining from third man, especially if you know you’re a third rate captain.

Also, as I have said before, he, like his co-conspirators, those spineless seniors, who collectively spat at the No. 3 position…but if it’s been said before, then why say it again?

Sunday afternoon, siesta time, to hell with MoYo. Let’s sleep on it. MoYo’s not going anywhere. He’ll be back with a new hairstyle.


On Bored: The many lives and times of MoYo

March 24, 2010

You must be English to watch Bangladesh.

I woke up today morning thinking about Bangladesh, and how I can’t watch them play test cricket anymore. I blame Inzi for this – Pak had lost it but he unlost it for them. That’s the closest I came to tasting a Bangladeshi test win of any consequence.

Now they win a few sessions, but never the last one. This can be fixed: have the West Indies Cricket Board intervene and field their second string side for England. Then even the English won’t watch the Deshis play. But I will.

March 18, 2010

Mother.

If Sachin played for Pakistan, I know where Mother's loyalties would be - and if Pakistan played India, the logic would be, he’s the only Indian in the Pak team, he needs our support. I’m tempted to think, that even if I was in that Indian team, it would be a case of split loyalties – and what if I bowled to Sachin, fierce and fast, what then – possibly, let it be a maiden, an over well bowled, let me get 9 wickets, but Sachin, can’t he stay not-out?

And that is only in the make-believe team of Sachin’s Pakistan. Here what we have is Sachin’s Mumbai Indians playing someone’s Delhi Daredevils. We are Delhi-ites, Dilliwallahs, locals – I’ve always been one, the folks, they’ve been for their adult life.

But with such irrational behaviour, can you call them adults – today morning, reading the team ranks to father, she declared – "Sachin’s team has won both their games…they have the best run-rate."

After hurling some morning breath abuse on to the Daredevils, their nomadic bastardly ways, I proceeded to build a verbal diagram of my latest IPL convictions. The Mumbai Indians Indianness in the top 5 – while Mother exited the room, I heard her say, “I was just supporting Sachin’s team”

On most days, such mania would drive me mad. Today, I’m happy Sachin’s team won.



On Bored: Damn, more on Sachin's Indians vs. whoever

Not just Indians by name.

4 of Mumbai Indians’ top 5 batsmen are Indian – Sachin, Tare, Tiwari, Rayudu. Pollard, the million dollar baby comes in only at 6, Bravo at 7. And yeah, Jayasuriya is more Indian than Lankan now, or is he one of those guys who plays on two passports?

It’s odd coming from a Dilliwallah, but the dabbawallahs look as if they could be likable, in a patriotic sort of way. Time to make Manoj Kumar their frontman. SRK can always provide that. Will a spoof do?

On Bored: The dirty business of Mumbai v Delhi

March 11, 2010

How will you know?

How will you know you’re a bored cricket crazy Indian
Will the doctor diagnose you, will the teacher teach you
Will you go with the flow of the stream
Walk in the park
Go out and field in the sun
At far off deep square leg
Not get a bowl, not get a bat
Just hang around, just like that
To be part of a game,
Till they see you, send in that overarm throw
From that boundary line

And they say, can you bowl
Not look at your height
Not look at your might
Just look at your fight
In those two eyes – your sight

What do you see, boy
Tell me, what do you see, boy
I see the stumps, like a toy, boy
I’m gonna play with them like a toy, boy
Ho Hoh! I’m gonna rattle them, snake them
Ho Hoh! I’m gonna shake them, brake them
Hoh Hoh! I’m gonna take them, ache them!

How will you know you’re a bored cricket crazy Indian?
Will the doctor diagnose you, will the teacher teach you
Will Lalit Modi brand you with an IPL scholarship
Will Sachin Tendulkar bless you with one played off his hips

You could always write us

A peaceful protest against the banning of Pakistani cricketers.





On Bored: The return of Shahid Bhai, Shahid Bhai - The Big Ban

March 03, 2010