Sacrificial Goats.

Pakistan’s first three batsmen in batting order are Khurram Manzoor, Imran Farhat and Fawad Alam. Bet you’ve been following their careers all your life. Khurram and Fawad have played 9 tests between them, both made their debut this summer.

Imran Farhat has played 28 tests across 8 years. After Afridi, he’s the first proper T20 batsman to play test cricket.

In 6 test innings in the Dunedin test, these three batsmen had a bumper harvest of 67 runs between them.

In the absence of Younis Khan, none of the so called seniors cared to bat up the order. Instead they were scattered all over the place, waiting for the older ball.

Captain MoYo at four. Former captain Malik at six after that nineteen year old kid on debut, Umar Akmal.

Wait and watch, if Mohammad Aamer shows any more promise as a batsman, he could be earn himself a double promotion.

In the meantime, MoYo will lead from the middle.


On Bored: Pakistan Cricket Specials

How long does it take to Freesanth Sreeesanth

If I was King, Sreesanth would have played the first test at Motera. But allocation of India caps don’t work that way. Ishant Sharma had to play that first test, so we could be doubly sure he’s running on empty. In a way, Sree lucked out by not playing that first test, but who knows, maybe he would have breathed life into Motera too.

I can’t help thinking what Ishnat would’ve done in Kanpur, or for that matter, what has Zaheer done? Is Zaheer even 90%?

My mind goes back to the last test series in Australia, how many games did it take for India to play Sehwag? How many games will it take for India to not play Bhajji?

Why are we calling the best eleven sitting in front of TVs, when people paid to, refuse to see the light.


Sreesanth was born again as Freesanth at Bored Cricket Crazy Indians. Not today after his five for, but when the world thought he was dead.

Drop Harbhajan Singh five days at a time.

The Champions Trophy was a godsend for Indian cricket. Bhajji was dropped for a one day international, somehow replaced by Mishra. But unless Mishra knocked all ten and proved himself as an all-rounder, how could he take Bhajji’s place?

What, even Kumble couldn’t take Bhajji’s place – it was Bhajji who took Kumble’s place and then made it his own; the spinners’ spot was a rare family heirloom, handed down through generations.

There is a security cover on Bhajji; it extends beyond MSD and Sachin’s good wishes. It stretches beyond marketers. This cover protects him beyond lost form, from the promise of other spinners who threaten to outbowl him.

Now listen up Mishra, Ojha and Chawla: You can outbowl him, but you cannot replace him. Bhajji is a given. If you do not compete against his bowling, it will be his batting, his cheerleading, his hugs, Bhangara, drama, out of ideas, he will even sing Banarama.

Frankly the day Mishra took five at Mohali, I told myself, enjoy this, Indian cricket will ensure it doesn’t last. What little I saw of Ojha, I told myself the same.

Can you see Bhajji bowl, I refuse to now. Each time he bowls I see a corrupt nation stick its tongue out at me.

How else did he play six one day internationals against Australia after his Champions Trophy form? And when his so-called batting form evades him, he will make the team on some new quota.

Worse, I now doubt every Bhajji move, even though he moves well. That faulty reverse sweep against Murali, when India was nine down, and Mishra was more than holding his own, I have my views on that.

Just as you no doubt have yours; how MSD defends every below par Bhajji performance, their Hummers, newly forged business links – but look at it this way, we all love to play with friends.


On Bored: What better than being dropped on your birthday

After five painful days of the Motera test, a new form of abuse:

On Bored: More graphic humour

Shoaib Akhtar is a cartoon.

Here.

Not that funny.

Rahul Dravid made 177 test runs in a day. You find that funny, laugh. When last did Dravid make so many test runs in a day? Oh, just yesterday. Yeah right, after yesterday’s innings it looks like Dravid makes them all the time.

For some strange reason I’m thinking of Wasim Jaffer. Not entirely because of the egg ad conversations, but because of this Jaffer-Dravid p'ship at the Kotla.

Jaffer was hitting it like Dravid. For some reason it was tough to tell who was who – Jaffer was playing like he had turned up for a Ranji game. Even I was impressed. That when I knew he was at best stopgap, and this was possibly the last time I’d watch Jaffer at the Kotla. But he was smoking.

Back to Dravid. He had his cigar. And even though it’s more than four years, I lit up too.

But it wasn’t to blow smoke on any selectors, it was plain damn indulgence. When was the last time we said that about a Rahul Dravid innings? Yesterday. And hopefully today.

And if not, it’s still okay – because no matter how many runs you make Rahul, I’m still curious, what are you to Indian cricket – not as a batsman or a slip fielder, but as cricketing impact?

Yesterday we saw Sachin’s impact, c'mon place some cards on the table. It’s all about 2011. How many runs will it take to make you talk, 320? I'm waiting, but you shouldn't.


On Bored: Rahul Dravid's unnatural innings

You're the (messiah and the mistress)

You’re the messiah and the mistress
You’re the Brutus cut
And the brute that felled Caesar
And all at once Caesar
You’re a tattoo across that man’s chest
And the woman’s breast alongside him
You’re the reason they watch TV
Together

But I cannot stand to see you open
And I can’t stand to see you close
I cannot stand to see you slow
And I can’t stand to see you go
I cannot stand to hear the hype
And I can’t stand to hear the tripe

You’re a B&W TV memory
Of me running to tell my sick mother
Of you running down to Qadir
“This crazy kid's gone nuts!”
And ever since
She’s been nuts about you

And that was the only time I watched
You and cricket with my brother
You’re the kid brother I never had.

Kid, change those milestones into stones.



(The first four lines came four days back, this Tendulkar20 Business can sure put you off)

Puke.

Here's a promo for the India Sri Lanka series, keep your barf bags handy.

A third rate captain.

I have watched Mohammad Yousuf closely, last time round in Delhi, he fielded under my nose. At third man. Third man is MoYo’s favourite place in the whole world. It is here that he’s one with himself, far from the madding crowds of team bonhomie, backslapping, hair ruffling, feelings, feeling.

When a wicket fell, no less than an Indian wicket that, after the mercurial Shoaib Akhtar ran a mile to bowl, MoYo didn’t budge an inch, forget drag his heals a few metres to the middle.

Instead he turned on his heal, turned his back to the boys, got lost in some future ICL thoughts.

Now MoYo is to be captain for a full test series. Never mind he says – I will captain from third man. This way, I don’t need to hurl annoying instructions that captains…he stops mid sentence, sensing an effort .

From third man there will be no such problems. Bowlers will bowl, appeal, change ends. Yes, that’s another thing, no appealing either. “I will not raise a finger, not in appeal, not at anyone, I want peace”

And what about the change of ends after every over – surely MoYo will not walk a few paces to mid on - that would be much too close to his teammates or cross over to the other side again (just to be in his safe house, third man)

MoYo languidly strokes his beard, and replies somewhat sternly, “I cannot afford to remain there and have a long on…I am not a defensive captain...I plan to go off the field every alternate over and give some youngster an opportunity to play for Pakistan”

On Bored: Vettori to captain Pakistan

The third man

Sachin plays as he pleases, Saurav’s retired, and Rahul plays Ranji.

As I check the Ranji scores, many cricket worlds emerge – there’s clarity, beyond bias, more like a future truth, who will be the last man standing?

Good for Dravid, every now and then his sense of humour returns: asked about the dilapidated Delhi team that Karnataka plays, he reminds you of the Aussies.

There’s a test coming, it’s Rahul vs Sachin again.

Sketchy

Chatting with cartoonist cum Bored Member A Bisht compelled me to sketch again - good timing, the Indian teams' form has been sketchy off late. Between plumbers and masons, this leaked on to my page.

Aamer is actually seventeen.

Unlike Boom Boom Afridi who isn’t seventeen. Boom Boom plays like he’s seventeen, Aamer on the other hand, plays with the concern of an older man, someone MoYo’s age – MoYo of course didn’t play today.

When the chase was on in earnest, the importance wasn’t lost on the Pak players.

They were frozen in time – approx the time they lost it personally.

However MoYo looked miffed as he played with his beard. Word is the ICL will call him later tonight. Of course he won’t get a game there either.

But these are trivial pursuits, young Aamer, who goes by two names, one on his jersey, the other on the TV, was so cool, he deserves to break more records – I recommend he bat even lower than 10, and break the highest score by a No. 11 batsman.

Also thanks Aamer, from India, for helping us remember one Douglas Marillier, who until today had a world record to his name.

The record’s gone but the memories fresh. And if it isn’t, what do you think they made scorecards for?

Boom Boom

BOOM BOOM - JOHN LEE HOOKER IN THE BLUES BROTHERS

At a music store, Boom Boom caught my eye for obvious reasons. Enough said, shut up and listen.

Still hung up on Sachin's 175

If you are, then go have a look at what a 175 by Yuvraj, Jatman, MSD and Bhajji will be like.

By how many runs did we lose?

Evening, a dimly lit street in Hauz Khas, Delhi. I walk past P2 or P3 when Innocent appears from the dark and asks Guard:

I: Match may kya hua?

G: Har gaye

I: Kitne run se hare?

G: Run se nahin, 6 wicket se

I: Run se nahin hare?

I walked back again, and dubbed in English

I: Who won the match?

G: We lost

I: By how many runs did we lose?

G: Not runs, they won by 6 wickets

I: We didn’t lose by runs?

I’ve replayed the scene in my head a few times. In hindsight I could have waited for the rest of their chat, but what the hell.

Innocent has a point though, we should have lost by runs. Even he couldn't believe we batted first @8.30 am. Indians are late starters after all.

The effects of a ton by Tendulkar.

If you played yesterday, chances are you hit the ball further. But first, you would have wanted to play yesterday – to feel your back ache, your legs throb, your hands grip the bat, an adidas bat.

There have been far too many ace one day innings, those that change tides, set up wins, win games. How many do you remember? And why will you not forget Sachin’s 175?

The trappings went beyond cricket. There was a landscape of a cricketer’s life entwined with our warped mindscape, how we defined the kid and now the grandfather, the pot shots, the hot shots over the last twenty, everything Sachin, all put into the mixi with us, shaken, stirred, served.

We were part of the serving. You cannot help but feel for yourself. Sachin’s 175 was as much about him as it was us – and in it, for some reason, I hear Roger Water’s sing Watching TV

She's everybody's sister
She's a symbolic of our failure
She's the one in fifty million
Who can help us to be free
Because she died on TV
And I grieve for my sister

If you think some, maybe you hear a song, a scene, a bit of life that moves you.

Yeah, that’s what it was, a very intimate innings. Signed like Cohen would in one of his songs, sincerely L Cohen.

It was a romance but a tragic one at that. And you know, there are no better ones than that.

Thank You Sachin.



On Bored: Aftershock

A mad dog of a post.

It was Bored Member Scorpicity’s Bored Day on the 5th. Since then he’s been born again, and barked this beautiful post. It is possibly the only scientific explanation to Sachin Tendulkar’s matchless innings at Hyderabad. Not just bow, wow too.

Side effects of too much cricket.

Sport psychologists call it the Oslo Syndrome – long after a seven match series takes players' hostage, they crave to relive the lows, injuries, defeats, humiliations. And even though many Aussie cricketers have returned home, the next few weeks could see them sleep walk to an imaginary Feroz Shah Kotla.

No laughing matter, psychologists suspect fans, journalists, even bloggers can fall prey to this vicious syndrome. It’s finally down to how many overs we watch – over 500 overs puts us in the same risky-category as key players, MS Dhoni and Ricky Ponting while 250 overs reduces our risk to a benched Amit Mishra or Munaf Patel.

However, if we stay clear of the cricket, our risk will be the same as the administrators.


Side effects of the Oslo Syndrome: A calm MS Dhoni loses it with a rookie bowler in the nets at the Kotla. You can watch the video on Bored.

Chittagong! Bang! Bang!

There are scorecards, and there are scorecards, and then there is this scorecard:

Zim 44 all out in 24.5 overs. Bang 49/4 in 11.5.

When the abridged version became even more abridged it was called T20. But what about a one-dayer that lasts less than 37 overs with less than 100 runs scored.

I think it’s refreshing. A top score of 23, a low score of 0, 5 of them in all.

And the Shakibbing continues, knocked 3 down, he did.

But what do you care. Forget it, Jake. It’s Chittagong.

Open.

I read this fan report by a 17 year old from my old school, St Columba’s. Fan claims he’s watched all the internationals at the Kotla for the last 8 years – that is, he started his Kotla journey at 9. At 9 I didn’t know where the Kotla was.

When I was around 17, I went for this net. Dhaiya the captain was bowling at me.

After a round in the nets, he thought I should open. One little snag though, I had to turn up for selection the next day after school.

I didn’t make the team. But then I didn’t go for practise either.