Voice in my head

I haven’t had enough wine
I haven’t played enough cricket
I’m just one step closer to the edge
And I’ll keel over, but I think I’ll hang on
For this little accident that will define me

And they’ll say, he was done and he was dusted
And they’ll say, he was gone and he was busted
And they’ll say, he was Vaughan and he was rusted
And they’ll say, he was Tom and he was sussed out

But I hung on, I just couldn’t let go
So I hung on, I wouldn’t let go
I was resigned to my fate
I was designed for my fate
I wasn’t God, I was Tait
I wasn’t a passenger, I wasn’t freight
I wasn’t early, I wasn’t late
I was somewhere in between
Not letting go, coz this was my destiny
And this was my date
I was fucked up, and without a mate
And it was such a ride, it didn’t matter
Whether I was the hunter or the bait
I just had to be there to the bitter end
And it was so sweet
Extracting every last second of playing time
And it was sweet
Extracting every last second of playing dime
Till the bitter end
And it wasn’t that bitter at all
And it wasn’t that sweet at all
It was something I had to do
For the voice in my head

Triple Standards.

It takes Virender Sehwag to score a double hundred to cement his spot for the next two series. And when he doesn’t score a double for a while, questions on consistency are asked, naturally.

Imagine then, what happens when Sehwag fails to score a triple century for a full four years. Please recall, when was that Multan triplet? Circa 2004!? Do we have any evidence he scored those runs– Mughal miniatures, for instance? And what conditions? Another desi flatbed for the flat track badshah? The quality of opposition bowling: has-beens; a mixed-up Pakistani bowling attack? Wasn’t that Saqlain’s last test match too? And why was Sehwag so attacking – wasn’t that a test? "All hand-eye coordination, no footwork, won’t come off in seaming wickets." But he did.

Anyway, it’s been four long years since Sehwag scored his last triple, not nearly good enough – when most players score 0s, 20s, 50s in tests, they continue to do so with jarring regularity. One knows, what to expect; not like a box of chocolates where you never know what you’re gonna get! Even Veeru’s Mama will agree.
Consider this fine specimen of a batsman: dedicated, well-mannered, team player, handsome, average in the mid-high 30s, adaptability to one-dayers, good fielder, prospect for tests. And at no time will he hoodwink you into thinking there’s another triple just round the corner. He will score so many 0s, 30s, 50s, you will observe a pattern – and know that he will score 57 today and 16 in the second innings. And his average, it will always hover around that marvelous 35 mark. Not to forget, he has the makings of an all-rounder too.

Coming back to Sehwag’s case: we’ll cake his face today, and serve him the airtime reserved for Yuvi and Mahi and Sachin and Saurav and other cool dudes. Which will be rightfully forwarded to them, once the one-dayers and the Twenty20 games begin. By the way, when is that? "I can’t wait to see Sachin open with Gambhir or Uthappa." "Or do you think Sehwag will open now? Sehwag, captain material?"

Yeah, let’s stay with today’s TV special: Sehwag special. Let’s speak to his bhabhi, bhanji, Ma and his local gang and barber. Let’s bring them into our homes. Let’s be one of them. Ask them probing questions, like if they’ve spoken to Veeru yet – any message for Veeru? How will they celebrate? If only he could have tasted his ma’s kheer today!

Is this all for real?

Virender Sehwag is for real. His cricket is. And has been for a lot longer than the triplets of Multan and Chennai. These are massive scores that inhabit statistical Jurassic Parks and our out-numbered minds. If these are the timeless Kohinoors, in between were Veeru’s nameless gems that had in them the range and ambition to define Indian cricket. Only, they were far from treasured. Indian cricket hungered for the doubles, triples. It failed to determine the exchange rate.

Dravid though, understood the currency of cricket and backed his man.

The graffiti was on the wall yet again: as Jammy shared with Veeru what seemed to be a personal triumph. First the double, then the triple. He was there.

Bet it was so much sweeter for Sehwag to be in such good company. Far from the duplicity and triple standards of Indian cricket.

For a moment, it appeared Sewhag would inherit Indian cricket, again. Just as it appeared Rock ‘n’ Roll would inherit the world in the '60s. Either way, it takes a believer to know what rocks. And an infidel to roll on about flat tracks and footwork.

More on Sehwag

What the flux!
By Gaurav Sethi

Contrary to what everyone and their cricket punditjee may say, Indian cricket is in a heightened state of flux. And regardless of the India-Australia series’ result, flux is here to stay. It started unassumingly with senior players dropping out of the T20 tournament - gained momentum with each subsequent win - and became super-flux with the T20 championship victory.

Flux in Indian cricket is not a bad thing by any means. But it happened, as often does here, by default - with Rahul Dravid’s announcement that he, Tendulkar and Ganguly will not play in the Twenty20 World Cup. One thing led to another, and before we knew, flux had taken over the reigns of Indian cricket. And this is how it unfolded:

1) No captain, M.S. Dhoni takes over.
2) No deputy, Yuvraj Singh takes over.
3) No openers - Gautam Gambhir and Virender Sehwag take over.
4) No Sehwag in finals - debutant Yusuf Pathan takes over.
5) No Gambhir at no.3 - Robin Uthappa takes over.
6) No Ramesh Powar - Harbhajan Singh takes over
7) No Zaheer Khan as spearhead - RP Singh and Irfan Pathan take over
8) No Yuvraj – Rohit Sharma takes over
9) No Ajit Agarkar – Sree Santh and Joginder Sharma take over.
10) No M.S. Dhoni as wicket keeper – Dinesh Karthik takes over
11) No lucky mascot – Piyush Chawla takes over

By the end of the tournament, nobody in the Indian team was indispensable. When did that last happen? For years, Tendulkar’s dismissal made fans dismiss their T.V. sets. Then, when Tendulkar’s star was on the wane, Sehwag was the chosen one. And after Sehwag, Dhoni now threatens to become the man upstairs. Meanwhile, Rahul Dravid, VVS Laxman and Saurav Ganguly worked their wonders behind the scenes.

The difference between the first and second lot is overall impact in all forms of cricket along with public and media perception: Tendulkar and Sehwag were impact players in both tests and one-dayers – also, they were perceived as big match winners in both forms. While Dravid’s and VVS Laxman’s impact in test cricket was unquestionable, their reputations as one-day players was never in the same hallowed ballpark. And while Ganguly was a top ODI player, his success in tests wasn’t quite the same. But these lacks were nearly compensated by his captaincy.

Today, M.S. Dhoni is young in both test and ODI years. Yet he threatens to reach cricket’s Everest, where Tendulkar and Sehwag once camped, almost unaccompanied. Two crucial test innings in England plus many more in ODIs and T20 plus a short albeit highly regarded stint as captain. However M.S.D. will do well to take a leaf out of Ganguly’s career book - as they say, the same thing that makes you live can kill you in the end.

Meanwhile, Yuvraj nearly usurped Dhoni’s exalted position in the T20 World Cup. But as in the case of Dravid, Laxman, Ganguly, this was only one form of the game – and though Yuvraj gets top billing in T20 and ODIs, he is no cowboy in test cricket.

Ever wonder, why no one speaks of Michael Bevan and Mark Waugh in the same breath? While the short ball kept Bevan out of the longer version, Yuvraj needs to exorcise his spin demons. No accident that the Paki spinners bowled during Yuvraj’s T20 innings in the final.

Even though it is premature to gauge many of the T20 players just yet, by creating a larger pool of 33 players across 4 grades, there will clearly be no one Team India. Especially with the bizarre cricket calendar - an ODI vs. Australia just four days after a World Cup final – two days after returning home - with one day for pre-match conditioning; it’s now realistic to have two-three different teams.

While this could mean the end of the demigod cricketer, it might well ensure that players do not break down mid tournament or in between a series – or an ill-timed T20 World Cup doesn’t short circuit key test players. What if Australia was here for a test series (instead of the seven ODIs) with both Ponting and Hussey injured? If anything, players will have to be smarter about when they play and when they abstain.

Recently, when Sachin Tendulkar cramped in an ODI, barely half way through the innings, it was a strong pointer that enough is enough. According to Tendulkar then, two days recovery time between games wasn’t nearly enough. Even though Sachin spoke of himself and his adding cricket years, even a teenager will burn out at this frantic pace. In cricket, nobody is eighteen till they die. Not when the itineraries are on cocaine.

The India-Australia series has the same punishing schedule as the ODI games in England (with barely two days break between games), yet hopefully, better sense will prevail now. So if in one game Ganguly-Tendulkar open, in the next, Gambhir-Uthappa can kick off. This same logic could have Zaheer Khan make way for Sree Santh and Powar for Harbhajan.

As it was in the T20 World Cup, another player can always take over. Worst case, you lose without a key player. But then, you can also lose with that key player. And it’s better to lose the odd game, then a key player to the odd injury.

The key is not to panic when India loses with new blood. Better to write it off as an investment in future successes. Better to embrace flux today, rather than badly injure Indian cricket tomorrow.

Whipping Post

Is watching India play akin to self-flagellation?

Crazy, but nowadays your misery isn’t related to the result alone. Regardless of whether India wins or loses, as long as they turn up, watching them is punishing beyond words, especially in one-day cricket.

For a while now, it’s been too easy to sink your canines into Indian cricket. Point is, you don’t have to. Indian cricket is bleeding badly, and there’s no clot in sight.

India has just gone down 3-1 in the ODI series. But that’s not a cardinal sin. Nor will losing the series 4-3, 5-2 or even 6-1. Why not 7-0 is beyond me, but that equation no longer exists.

With Indian cricket today, the result is inconsequential. To be honest, there should only be one result in one-dayers: defeat. That would only quicken any “process” that can emerge from these failures. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, a much-scorned phrase - a Greg Chappellism to boot; but “The Process” is pulp in Indian cricket. Worse still, it’s been pulp for ages, and India has been winning in spite of that.

Now, India may still pull off an unlikely 4-3 series win over England. For, often when Indian cricket touches rock bottom, it bounces back unexpectedly. India threatened to do so at Old Trafford after a second spineless defeat. Though they scored a measly 212, they had England reeling at 114 for 7. And then true to type, the two babes of English cricket added nearly 100 for the 8th wicket.

But all this pales in comparison to India in the field. In a familiar parody of earlier games, Indian fielders evaded the cricket ball and vice versa. Look, the ball’s gone through him, past him, over him, under him - basically, the ball was beyond him. And he was beyond any kind of effort. If he tried, it might hurt. And he may break. Professional sport can be so tiring sometimes.

The Indian fielders had maxed out. They had nothing more to give. It was incredible that they were standing, bowling; even the occasional clap of hands would have been a strain.

Had it been a very long English summer? Was the ODI series a thankless load after a hard-fought test series win? Does India need specific players for each form of the game?

Taking a look at team compositions, India’s included six new players for the one-day series ( Powar, Chawla, Agarkar, Gambhir, Yuvraj and Munaf Patel.), and England’s fielded five new players (Flintoff, Broad, Bhopara, Mascharenis and Owais Shah). While the English are electric, some of India’s young bunch looks weary, almost on their last legs.

Interestingly, except for Dravid, Tendulkar and Ganguly, most Indian players are sill in their 20s; and the average age of the Indian and English one-day teams is nearly the same. Which pretty much quashes the new-blood for old-legs argument. If anything, the new lot is just as impotent on the field.

These days, the popular refrain on commentary is that India concedes 20-30 runs in the field, and England saves that many. The mind’s numbed by these constant reminders but there is no escaping them. They continue to haunt you - 20-30 runs, 20-30 runs…

So, when you watch India play this season, it’ll be a remote in one hand, a prayer wheel in the other. And that Allman Brother’s song on your lips – “Sometimes I feel, like I been tied to the whipping post”





Whipping Post
By Allman Brother's Band

I been run down, I been lied to,I don't know why I let that mean woman make me a fool.She took all my money, wrecked my new car.Now she's with one of my goodtime buddies,They're drinkin' in some crosstown bar.Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,Like I been tied to the whipping post,Tied to the whipping post,Tied to the whipping post,Good lord, I feel like I'm dyin'.My friends tell me, that I've been such a fool,And I have to stand by and take it baby, all for lovin' you.Drown myself in sorrow, and I look at what you've done.But nothin' seems to change, the bad times and the shame,And I can't run.Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,Like I been tied to the whipping postTied to the whipping post,Tied to the whipping post,Good lord, I feel like I'm dyin'.Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,Like I been tied to the whipping postTied to the whipping post,Tied to the whipping post,Good lord, I feel like I'm dyin'.

Plan A, B & C for the Oval

Appeared in The Hindustan Times on 8th August, 2007.

What India must do to win the test series in England?

Plan A

Throughout the Oval test, India must play for a win and at no point give England the impression that they are content with a draw. That is bound to backfire.

Indian batsmen must play their “new” natural game without being over-attacking. At Trent Bridge, in spite of India’s modest run-rates (compared to England) and restrained top order, the final result was a win. There is no need to change tactics now. Continue to make the English come at you, rather than the other way round. This is in-sync with India’s new thinking which appears to be “Win Ugly rather than Lose Pretty”. So, even if you miss out on some flashy Tendulkar trademarks and VVS specials, there are always the Sports’ archives.

Do not target Kevin Pietersen with banter - he is at his most vicious then. It’s common knowledge that KP is his own worst enemy and often self-destructs. Stick to a conservative plan - do not set over-attacking fields, nor get too defensive too early. But always have a few players in the midfield for that mistimed heave. Sree Santh should stay out of KP’s way; it can cost India dearly.

Target Michael Vaughan. After KP, the English captain is the team’s strongest link. Looking back at the Trent Bridge test, Vaughan was even more stirred after Sree Santh’s beamer to Pietersen. With his reputation of not losing a home-series under siege, Vaughan does not appear his usual cool self. Someone should get under the English skipper’s skin – it may not be a bad idea to have Zaheer Khan or one of the youngsters assigned this job.

Target Monty Panesar. After the new ball, Monty is England’s biggest weapon. Though Tendulkar and co came down the track at Trent Bridge, at no point did they hit him out of the attack. If Panesar is ripped into, Vaughan will be forced to over-bowl the three seamers or even bowl part-timers Collingwood and himself. That’s when it can all go terribly awry for Vaughan. Also, India could even promote Dhoni to target Panesar. The game can be won and lost depending on how the Indians handle Panesar.

Do not ignore strategy on key players like Collingwood, Strauss, Cook, Bell or even Prior. Even though these players haven’t had a remarkable series yet, they are capable of big scores, and have done so in the past. Collingwood’s stature in English cricket is on the rise – a street fighter to the core, he can counter attack, and win a match on his own. Be it with bat, ball or in the field with that match defining catch. India should be weary of him. He has an intensity that makes him ideal for pressure cooker situations. He is also England’s new ODI captain, and could be the next test captain. After KP and Vaughan, he is the wall to breach.

Lastly, India must have a Plan B. And that doesn’t mean Brad Pitt’s film production company.

Plan B

If Kevin Pietesen gets away, India should not hesitate to pull off a Naseer Hussain or Ashley Giles on him – that is, have Anil Kumble or another part-time spinner bowl a negative leg stump line to him. The English have in the past tried it with a more prolific Tendulkar. It often frustrates attacking players and causes them to alter their game. It is no use attacking KP for long periods, watching him zip from 50 to 100 to his favourite score of 158. The Aussies will vouch for that.

Dravid should be alive to key periods in the game – when the balance is shifting towards England. That’s the time for him to refrain from overzealous 7-2 fields and realize that Zaks is no Pigeon. Or for that matter, Jumbo is no Warnie.

Also, India must have a Plan C.

Plan C

On the fifth day, if it appears England is closing in on a win, India must not hesitate to do all it can to secure a draw. And if that means playing downright dirty, so be it. It’s worth remembering, the Australians did not become the world’s best test team by playing pretty.