DORM OF DOOM!

INT DORMITORY – NIGHT

(Petrified school kids jump out of their bunkers screaming,
they have all seen the same nightmare)

MONITOR SHAK
It was ZAKS the destroyer!

KID A
It was ZAKS alright - he came round the wicket OOOO!

MASTER T
…and shoved his fire ball into my empty stomach AAAH!

(The kids’ hysterics draw the BCB Chief’s attention)

BCB CHIEF
What’s that? You Bbboys are awake?
First you lose a match then you lose sleep.

MONITOR SHAK
Oh no! It’s BCB Sahb! Run to bed, run!

BCB CHIEF
Not so fast you little losers.

(BCB Chief appears in the dorm and pulls Monitor Shak
by the elastic of his pyjamas and proceeds to
administer a thorough spanking)

MASTER T
I did good, can I go and sleep?

BCB CHIEF
AAH! So you’ve earned yourself a good spanking.

(BCB Chief produces his cane)

KID A
I was sick! Here, see an excuse from my Mommy.

(BCB Chief is not impressed, like a martial arts expert
he is spanking, caning, flogging the whole lot of them

BCB CHIEF
This will treat you not to play with bigger boys.


(a boy from the top bunker squeals)

BOY
Yeah, I even saw Monitor Shak smoking.

On Bored: Cricket Films including Shahid Bhai! Shahid Bhai! + The Night Before series + Godfather & Jaws

Four letter solutions.

Any major dude will tell you India’s problem is the middle order.

Not just the test middle order. But the one-day middle order too.

Basically, all Indian middle orders.

Apart from the opening batsmen that are two in number, and the tail, that are also two, the middle order is made up of as many as seven players – who can be defined as lower middle order, higher middle order, and middle-middle order batsman. Mm what does that tell you?

Sure, a solution to displace the middle-middle order (India’s core) appears drastic.

But what the heck, something’s gotta give, and it’s not Jack Nicholson for sure.

Let’s give it a try: Sehwag’s gone, so that leaves one slot on top open. Let’s move one of Mendis’ pawns up there – say Yuvraj. Face it, after Viru, Yuvi’s the only one with a four letter nickname to four letter the Lankans. Get him on top. Two left handers too many? No way. Give Yuvi time in the middle, get his feet and mind moving against the seamers, and hope he plays the Mms like that too.

Next, Mahi’s rook goes there – because no matter how much he tries, the Wall handle doesn’t suit him. Hell, it doesn’t even suit the Wall any more.

Crucially, Mahi also has a four letter nickname too. Get the picture? Good.

Did you know Bored Cricket Crazy Indians aka BCCI is also four letters?

PS: Zaheer Khan's nickname Zaks, also four letters, bowling analysis - 9.5-3-21-4