Dhoni, Raina, RP at the Man U vs Arsenal game

First appeared on Bored Cricket Crazy Indians

Dhoni, what have you got against Kohli?

India could have won this match with 20 runs less. But not in the mood today, after the wins, a tie, how about a defeat, and for the Windies’ game, a washout for variety?

India is in a weirdly superior zone, and it has nothing to do with the batting or bowling choices they make. It is how they think, there’s a bit of cool to them. I think they know it, at least most of the players do, they exude that cool. It makes you win close matches, and not feel too shitty about losing tight ones.

That’s not such a bad thing really. What I don’t get, and haven’t for a while, why this crusade against Kohli – why are we working so hard at belittling the best thing that’s happened to us, all of last year, in runs, form, class, attitude, delivery? Why do we continue to tamper with Kohli – why the fuck are we constantly reminded that he cannot score or accelerate as Raina? That he does not bowl, Raina brings the bowling option.

Rewind damn it, why was Raina dropped from the one-day team? Runs, right? How much did he bowl? I like Raina as a player, his attitude, all that, but Kohli elbowed him out fair and square. And let’s not even talk Nohit Sharma, he doesn’t figure in this world cup, ok?

So, you got Kohli at 4, scores a 100 (83), 1st match, vs Bangladesh. In that same game, Yusuf batted at 5, came in the 48th, 8(10).

What do you do after that, hurl him around like some deadweight that can’t bat, not at Yusuf’s pace, or like Yuvi or even MSD.

Next game vs. England, you bat Kohli at 7, after the Maters of the Universe. He comes in the 46th, 8(5) exits in the 48th. Yusuf 14(6).

Next game vs. Ireland, tricky chase, it’s 24/2, Kohli in at 4 again, 34(53). Same game, MSD at 6, 34(50). And then Yusuf banged them, 30(23), while waiting on Yuvi’s 50.

And today, Kohli at 6, 1(3) in the 43rd over, after Pathan 0(2), Yuvraj 12(9) and Dhoni 12(21).

Where will Kohli bat against the Windies, will he even play?

It may not matter, by now, whoever makes these calls may have screwed enough with Kohli’s batting. Then again, this is Virat Kohli, and he’s a lot tougher than you think.

In Response to MSD's marriage

Click on pic to enlarge

On Bored: more on Dhoni's wedding

What the devil got into India

There are teams you know should lose, because they’re determined to – The Daredevils picked badly, (no leggie Ladda or quick-gun Umesh Yadav in most games). Instead they picked on old cracked up reputations and shifty firangs. DD was blind to the obvious – both Yadav and Ladda had enough to play most games. Instead they packed the team with part-timers, who could both cook and wash, but the food wasn't tasty and the plates weren't clean.

Ditto India. No Mishra, no Ojha, and no visa for Umesh Yadav. But loads of guys who can cook and wash, but...

Between BossDK and Gambhir, they made some astonishing calls as captain. If you probe deep enough, they’re worthy of nut-case studies. MSD matched them toss for toss – he did enough to play for DD next season. There are theories that BossDK had inhabited MSD, but then there are also theories that GG had...

There’s more, but both the IPL and the T20 Cup are a long way off. And if they didn’t care, why should we? Let’s leave this post incomplete, like they left...

On Bored: The Daredevil Touch

Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies

1. Because Australia was going to anyway. They played Steven Smith. What did Smith do – he did Pollard.

12.3 85.9 kph, gone! Lovely piece of bowling from Smith, he's turned the ball just past the bat of Pollard, who is trying to get forward and work through leg, and Haddin whips the bails off, no need for the third umpire there 77/6

A few weeks back in the IPL, one anonymous leg spinner, a guy called, whatshisname Ladda was picked by the defending semi finalists, Delhi Daredevils. He bowled his first over of the match, the 18th – to Pollard. Pollard miss-timed a few but got them over the ropes anyway. Ladda did not bowl the 20th.

That was Gambhir’s captaincy. Something that’s rubbed off Dhoni. Gambhir at least bowls Mishra, Dhoni rather bowl batsmen.

2. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
This was not the Hero Cup, this was the Losers’ Cup and India had to defend their early exit in the last edition – that was no fluke.

3. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
Anil Kumble and Hirwani have retired.

4. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
Piyush Chawla refused to have his head bandaged – not like Kumble who had an open mind, head…

5. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
Refer to 1. If India played a leggie, that would prepare the Windies for the Aussie game, and for India to advance to the semis it was imperative that Australia beat the Windies.

12.4 85.6 kph, first ball! Smith is on a hat-trick! Tossed up on leg and turning back to off, Sammy has gone for the drive but straight back to the bowler, who takes a good catch 77/7

Steven Smith was Man of the match

6. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
It was wrong enough to pick Chawla to play him would have been wronger

7. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
At 21 years, 139 days, international debut more than 4 years’ back, long periods out of the team, Chawla is jaded and not the bowler he once was – whereas Smith, 20 years 344 days, made his debut earlier this year. He’s a farm fresh leg spinner, not even the Windies' videos know how to play him.

8. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
Beats me, and it beats India too.


On Bored: India is over and out of the World Twenty20 + MSD: Mahi, Sex aur Dhoka

A big know-know: India in the World T20.

There is no RP Singh, ominous for India’s opponents. Also, Irfan Pathan will not bowl the last over, so you can’t afford to have anything more than 16 to get in the 20th. And the freebies in the super-overs sans Ishant Sharma, not going to be the same. Also Ishant hasn’t spoken to any of the youngsters (they’re older than him), so the semi-quicks will not carry with them the burden of Ishant’s youth.

Angry young man Gambhir will open the batting, and running with him will be rough. Dravid’s not there, so after Gambhir, there will not be anyone to keep up the high standard of aimless running between the wickets. India’s opponents will have to be on their toes, a few wickets could be gifted through idiotic running, but after Gambhir they’re pretty much on their own. Even taking Gambhir’s wicket for granted could be perilous, his bad run could well be a no-show, as in, he refuses to run.

If MS Dhoni is incapacitated (too much T20, takes a sabbatical) and Gambhir captains, India’s exit could be during the post toss interview, wherein Gambhir angers Afghanistan – calling them a dangerous side, or some such politically incorrect remark, mixing politics and cricket. Following which, Afghanistan does indeed become a dangerous side, rocket launchers for bowlers, guerrilla tactics in the field (fielders hiding behind boundary line hoardings appearing when least expected, snaring catches, blocking boundaries – as is the saying in Afghanistan, there are no boundaries…we like to seep into Pak and Iran and here and there (not quite the same when translated from Pushtoo, but that’s the gist).

Matters could worsen if Gambhir is unplayable too (banned) and BossDK takes over. Under him, the side will overachieve as nincompoops, following in his battered footsteps of derailed captaincy, keeping and batsmanship.

It could all go very wrong if Yusuf Pathan sticks to his international form, first ball duck coming. Rohit Sharma too would’ve snapped out of his IPL run, and will be all un-intense for the national squad. What about Raina, even he doesn’t know if he can resist the lures of midwicket.

But there’s Bhajji’s propaganda, Bhajji wielding Sachin’s bat, wanting to bat up the order, bowl up the order, field up the order, and cause general anarchy up the order – if all else fails, Bhajji will cheer you up. Zaks will make intense faces, become bowling captain, and urge overkill after a wicket. Praveen Kumar will bowl inane bouncers at 125 kmph. Piyush Chawla will make baby faces. Murali Vijay will always be grownup, always staring.

But there’s no Jatman. But it’s the T20 world cup, and he’s never there.

On Bored: Lalit Modi in the Carribean

Wanted: An economical test bowler

As always Dhoni had Bhajji’s only wicket home delivered to him, Dhaka via Jalandhar. Bhajji’s only wicket was the last man, Rubel Hossein – have you heard that name before. You will from now, Bhajji knocked him over.

Bhajji, the most economical Indian bowler today, 1/48 @ only 2.54 runs per over, miserly. That’s what your strike bowler is for, to double up as your stock bowler – Bhajji, the strike, stock bowler. The true bowling allrounder.

Never mind that Amit Mishra. He may have been the 4th and 3rd highest scorer with his 14 and 50 in the first test, but it’s Ojha’s turn now. Next time it will be Mishra again. And so on.

And those 7 wickets that Mishra took, don’t make too much of them – he was way too costly, more than 4 runs per over. Bowling average of 22.5, not good enough either.

Mishra knows, he should’ve bowled better; he was lucky with those wickets. It won’t always be this way. As for poor Bhajji, he had it bad, a catch dropped off his bowling, baah! How could they – that’s his job, dropping catches.


On Bored: A horror cricket film, The Night Before II

"Bowling coach missing India"

Clearly Venkatesh Prasad wanted to say something, and MS Dhoni misquoted him.

The Delhi Underground.

Today, 8 year old Vasu and I took our cricket rivalry to the basement. The pitch was ceramic tiled, far more even keel than the Kotla, and the lights didn’t give in like Eden. It was an advert for taking cricket indoors. And had our short duel been telecast, who knows what could have been.

Equipment was standard, tennis ball and a MSD bat. The pitch was around 25 ft; not a speck of grass. It was liberating to chuck ball after ball. I even played left handed, got caught in front like Sanath.

Our match was abandoned abruptly. It was my tea break. Vasu and I shifted to the England South Africa game; just seeing Ntini play his 101st test put me off. I asked the boy how his football was coming along? Clearly two abandoned games in one day puts your mind of cricket. Then why am I writing this?


On Bored: You son of a pitch!

Drop Harbhajan Singh five days at a time.

The Champions Trophy was a godsend for Indian cricket. Bhajji was dropped for a one day international, somehow replaced by Mishra. But unless Mishra knocked all ten and proved himself as an all-rounder, how could he take Bhajji’s place?

What, even Kumble couldn’t take Bhajji’s place – it was Bhajji who took Kumble’s place and then made it his own; the spinners’ spot was a rare family heirloom, handed down through generations.

There is a security cover on Bhajji; it extends beyond MSD and Sachin’s good wishes. It stretches beyond marketers. This cover protects him beyond lost form, from the promise of other spinners who threaten to outbowl him.

Now listen up Mishra, Ojha and Chawla: You can outbowl him, but you cannot replace him. Bhajji is a given. If you do not compete against his bowling, it will be his batting, his cheerleading, his hugs, Bhangara, drama, out of ideas, he will even sing Banarama.

Frankly the day Mishra took five at Mohali, I told myself, enjoy this, Indian cricket will ensure it doesn’t last. What little I saw of Ojha, I told myself the same.

Can you see Bhajji bowl, I refuse to now. Each time he bowls I see a corrupt nation stick its tongue out at me.

How else did he play six one day internationals against Australia after his Champions Trophy form? And when his so-called batting form evades him, he will make the team on some new quota.

Worse, I now doubt every Bhajji move, even though he moves well. That faulty reverse sweep against Murali, when India was nine down, and Mishra was more than holding his own, I have my views on that.

Just as you no doubt have yours; how MSD defends every below par Bhajji performance, their Hummers, newly forged business links – but look at it this way, we all love to play with friends.


On Bored: What better than being dropped on your birthday

Still hung up on Sachin's 175

If you are, then go have a look at what a 175 by Yuvraj, Jatman, MSD and Bhajji will be like.

Side effects of too much cricket.

Sport psychologists call it the Oslo Syndrome – long after a seven match series takes players' hostage, they crave to relive the lows, injuries, defeats, humiliations. And even though many Aussie cricketers have returned home, the next few weeks could see them sleep walk to an imaginary Feroz Shah Kotla.

No laughing matter, psychologists suspect fans, journalists, even bloggers can fall prey to this vicious syndrome. It’s finally down to how many overs we watch – over 500 overs puts us in the same risky-category as key players, MS Dhoni and Ricky Ponting while 250 overs reduces our risk to a benched Amit Mishra or Munaf Patel.

However, if we stay clear of the cricket, our risk will be the same as the administrators.


Side effects of the Oslo Syndrome: A calm MS Dhoni loses it with a rookie bowler in the nets at the Kotla. You can watch the video on Bored.

Yusuf Pathan: out of his comfort zone.

There’s only one way to go at 53/5 with 38 overs left to play: Lofted drive straight down mid offs throat. Yusuf Pathan did not disappoint, he had an appointment with a talk show host.

Another zero, but this was in the lowly Challenger. It’s the zeroes in the ODIs that bother him. But you can’t call it bad form, he hardly played at all, out on the third ball he faced.

Of course you didn’t see him bat yesterday, with 300 runs on the board: he hit four consecutive fours, and big bro MSD was smashing away at the other end.

Today, it was different: MSD was already out, as were four others. There’s no way he was going to bat out of his comfort zone. And who does anyway, that’s just the name of another cricket book.

"Hello, Warnie?"

If you haven't had enough of Yusuf Pathan, here you go

What the f*ck won Pakistan the match

They gave a f*ck to start off with, India did not. India was a whinny, cribbing, sad misfit of a team. It didn’t gel, and still they nearly pulled it off, imagine.

For me two appeals won the game for Pakistan. First, Afridi’s appeal when MSD catwalked down the crease – he was way down, but the impact was in line – this is an old tennis ball cricket ploy that MSD uses, we all use it, come down the wicket, way far down, dekhi jayegi.

It wasn’t so much Taufel’s call as Afridi’s persuasion – how could he not give it out. There was belief in a victory, the dismissal, in the Boom Boom makes the world go around kinda thing

Taufel had to, because right then he knew, yes, I can see what you see Boom Boom, it is out.

And out it was. Enough of these stellar pranks of cruising down – even if you walk down to the other end, if the ball hits you in line, you’re out. Take that MSD.

Secondly, Ajmal’s appeal, who knew he had it in him – that was not an appeal, that was a cry for justice, to make good those years he’d lost in isolation (one day Mishra will appeal so).

It doesn’t matter where it hit Raina, bat, boot, leg – it hit that Steve Davis bloke right in the heart. The appeal moved him to tears.

He felt what Ajmal did, damn, even I knew it was out, because I felt the pain of Ajmal’s first class debut 12 years back, all those years waiting – for this moment, when Raina will be his, as will be victory.

Triple standards in cricket

March 2008: It takes Virender Sehwag to score a double hundred to cement his spot for the next two series. And when he doesn’t score a double for a while, questions on consistency are asked, naturally.

Imagine then, what happens when Sehwag fails to score a triple century for a full four years.

September 2009. What does Sehwag do while his mates warm-up for the Champions Trophy? He plays in some local game, scores a duck. But he plays. Next he plays in the Irani Trophy on 1st October. His mates will have played the West Indies in their last league match the previous day.

On 2nd and 3rd October are the CT semis, Sehwag will be biding his time in the Irani Trophy.

The call on Sehwag’s fitness was taken way back, so back it’s tough to recall when. It was decided then, that he will be unfit for the Champions Trophy.

The decision was in reaction to the furore caused by his injury in the Twenty20 world. This time, neither the BCCI nor the team management wanted to take any chances with Sehwag’s injury. It did make everyone, including Sehwag, MSD and the Board look clueless.

Now take the case of Sachin Tendulkar, who spends good lengths of time recovering from injury. And when he recovers, he just walks into the playing eleven – there is never any proof of match fitness required, rarely, if ever, is Sachin required to play games to prove his fitness. No captain, cricket board or team management creates scenes.

And then you have Sehwag, playing the Irani and Corporate scene. Granted he wasn’t exactly smooth on the injury front, but that’s Sehwag for you – point is, nobody stood up for him. Instead they went out of the way to make him look like a clueless idiot.

If you were Sehwag, why would you want to captain any team? Be it team India or the Delhi Daredevils.

In the last few weeks, Sehwag is making a clear statement of intent – do not fuck with me, I am not Rohit Sharma or Suresh Raina, and you cannot treat me like them.

I may not be Sachin Temdulkar but then he is not Virender Sehwag either, our paths did cross a long time back.

In the next few months, either India or Sehwag will have another reality check. And that’s where a new standard will be set. One will have to give.

Right now, it looks like India doesn’t deserve Sehwag. For me, he could be the next mercenary cricketer, and a far more devastating one than Flintoff.


On Bored - Jatman: Don't treat me like shi*

Not quite a field day but so what

India started its back-to-back game fielding the same team – if they looked reasonably fresh yesterday, they were unreasonably rusty today. An ODI in Sri Lanka is sapping, back-to back ones doubly so. Yet India fielded the same eleven – isn't that serious intent to retain its No. 1 ranking.

Today’s game was a useful opportunity to rest up to three players, playing Virat Kohli, Praveen Kumar and Amit Mishra instead.

Years back Sachin Tendulkar spoke about the punishing schedules of back to back games, something he could cope with earlier but not so anymore. After the game, any player who uses the back-to-back excuse should be taped at the mouth.

To blame India’s fielding wows on the two seniors is the easy way out – the failure was a cooperative society venture. Each player raised his hand, and said, I will do my worst, we’ve played back-to-back games.

In the 49th over, Ashish Nehra’s drop of a skyer, Yuvraj’s bemused look, just about summed it up. If you didn’t laugh at the Indian effort, and were still watching, you’d be a nervous wreck.

I wangled a nap in between, woke up to one Chamara Kapugedara playing the innings of his life.

Earlier, Bhajji jogged with his dog while the Lankans jogged three, sharp shooter Dinesh Karthik hurled crazy balls at his fellow keeper MSD, and MS made amends for some sharp stumpings. RP, Sachin, Dravid, Nehra, like their mates, all looked like they were playing some retired cricket leagues. Their song, 'slow down you move to fast, you gotta make the moment last!'

It's obvious now, there is no senior-junior divide in this team. Here’s to one team India. Here’s to being No. 1. One day at a time.


Read an earlier ode to India's fielding here

Freddie's song: I may not play again!

I’ve been a fool
I played too much
I even played with a crutch
I’ve been a fool
A real big fool
I may not play again
Oh Ho! It feels so bad
But in a way I’m kinda glad
There will be no more farewells
There will be no more stairwells
I’ll just take the easy way out
Hop on the escalator
Jump into the elevator

But what use is that
I want to play again
I really do
I might sound confused
But that’s ‘cause I am
Oh Ho! It feels so bad
I may not play again
Not at the highest level
At least I can go out and revel
In the I P L
Four overs I can bowl
It’s not like walking on coal
MSD is a cool guy
I’m gonna bring him a big fat pie

Oh ho! I feel kinda better now
We won the Ashes and I was there
Not in full but with a tear
Still I was an inspiration
Now am gonna get me a drink
A big lad like me gets thirsty
Oh Ho! At least I’m gonna drink again!

Has Rahul Dravid returned for Sachin Tendulkar?

Sachin intends to play the 2011 World Cup. He will, in spite of form or fitness. He will, because that is his destiny, it has been written by him, endorsed by the BCCI.

Part of that vision is Sachin lifting the World Cup together with MS Dhoni, Yuvraj Singh, Harbhajan Singh and Rahul Dravid.

Each one of these players is key to Sachin’s plans. While MS is captain, and should still be in 2011,Yuvi and Bhajji are Sachin’s core group. They are his comfort zone. Together they are the collective face of Indian cricket.

Then what about Rahul Dravid? Dravid is a strong reminder that the 90’s master class is far superior to today’s flash of youth. He’s a flashback to both his and Sachin’s glory days. His return, more than even Sachin’s, states unequivocally that the young guns are not a patch on the fab four.

It does not matter how many of the fab four remain, what matters is the latest battle between then and now has been won yet again by India’s fab four.

The resting of the so-called next Sachin Tendulkar, Rohit Sharma is a case in point. Rohit, the brightest of the next generation swagger has fallen. Raina, Yusuf, Karthik are not indicative of now as Rohit is.

Just as Dravid and Sachin are indicative of then. Look back beyond Sharma’s scattered scoring, look at his scattered positions in the batting order. Was this all meant to be?

Yet again, Sachin and Rahul will take the field in blue together. How well it wears on him is not important, that he has returned is what’s crucial. More so to co-author Sachin Tendulkar’s legacy.


Here's another take on Rahul Dravid at Bored Cricket Crazy Indians: Living in the past?

The World will forget your name, Dinesh Karthik.

Face it Karthik there’s not much to remember about you. You are not up against your keeping or your batting, you are up against MS Dhoni’s aura. If it was just his keeping or his batting that you had to beat, you stood a chance – but now, it’s goddamn tough. Not impossible, but like scaling a cricketing Everest.

It’s not as if you’ve got nothing going your way. You had a cracking IPL, scored runs in T20 primetime – limited over cricket is the key here. Even though you were a low profile player in a low profile team, you scored – playing some incredible pulls and cuts too. And yeah, you can use your feet and your mind too. Nobody can take that away from you. If I recall, your keeping wasn’t any worse than MSD’s. You were ok. More a team player with the Delhi Daredevils than you ever looked with the Indian Angels.

Don’t know if it’s a curse or what, that Chappell placed his hand on your head, but you gotta live in the today. You’ve just landed two breaks out of nowhere. Sure the T20 World Cup didn’t land you a game, but this one-day series did. You are opening in a one-day game. You may never do so again. Ask Saurav and Sachin what it is to open in an ODI – it can make your career, it comes with half a dozen licenses – watchful, streaky, bullish, easy does it, let loose, go bonkers, chill, tank up on the runs. With each ODI innings comes one helluva chance to score a hundred – nowhere bowlers, everywhere runs, lick the gaps, kid.

And then you got that incredible thing going your way – form. Why is it so hard to fathom – are you in the form of somebody else’s life? Take a deep breath, do some yoga kid. Don’t do a Dilshan. Even Dilshan looks like a dodo when he tries the Dilscoop one too many times. Good for you, it came off once, went for six. It didn’t second time, you look like an adolescent. You should know how matured MSD is, he would never play a shot like that. Maturity is the new mantra in Indian cricket. Who do you want to be Karthik?

The kid who scored a 60 odd when he could get even with a 100? Nobody forgets 100s, ask your Dilli skipper, he told that to Akash Chopra once. Chopra hasn’t forgotten, don’t think he ever will. Ok, so a failure in between, and then you’re back in biz 3rd ODI. Be wary of Gambhir, he still thinks he’s running with Sehwag. That’s how it works for him.

Figure what works for you – it’s incredible you scored 47(43) with some of the hara-kiri between the wickets. Again, nobody will remember this 47, because Boss scored 46(35) and won the game.

Worse for you, Boss gotta face-saving 95 when you made only 4. Looks like he got the man-of-the-series award too. What you got, kid?

LET'S TWIST AGAIN!

According to reports coming in
The Indian team was deeply hurt after their defeat
In the twenty20 World Cup
What the Indian team didn’t tell you and me was
They were deeply hurt before their defeat
In the twenty20 World Cup
This might sound repetitive
But then so is the deep hurt
Of the Indian team
C’mon let’s twist again!!

Let’s twist that right calf!
Let’s twist again!
Let’s tear that right calf!
Let’s twist again!
Let’s tear that left shoulder
Let’s twist again!
Let’s tear that right shoulder!
Let’s twist again!
Let’s stress that lower back
Let’s twist again!
Let’s tear that knee ligament!
Let’s twist again!