A third rate captain.

I have watched Mohammad Yousuf closely, last time round in Delhi, he fielded under my nose. At third man. Third man is MoYo’s favourite place in the whole world. It is here that he’s one with himself, far from the madding crowds of team bonhomie, backslapping, hair ruffling, feelings, feeling.

When a wicket fell, no less than an Indian wicket that, after the mercurial Shoaib Akhtar ran a mile to bowl, MoYo didn’t budge an inch, forget drag his heals a few metres to the middle.

Instead he turned on his heal, turned his back to the boys, got lost in some future ICL thoughts.

Now MoYo is to be captain for a full test series. Never mind he says – I will captain from third man. This way, I don’t need to hurl annoying instructions that captains…he stops mid sentence, sensing an effort .

From third man there will be no such problems. Bowlers will bowl, appeal, change ends. Yes, that’s another thing, no appealing either. “I will not raise a finger, not in appeal, not at anyone, I want peace”

And what about the change of ends after every over – surely MoYo will not walk a few paces to mid on - that would be much too close to his teammates or cross over to the other side again (just to be in his safe house, third man)

MoYo languidly strokes his beard, and replies somewhat sternly, “I cannot afford to remain there and have a long on…I am not a defensive captain...I plan to go off the field every alternate over and give some youngster an opportunity to play for Pakistan”

On Bored: Vettori to captain Pakistan

Virender Sehwag quits cricket to concentrate on his personal life

First Jatman threatened to quit Delhi for Haryana.

Then he quit the team India vice captaincy and declared he had no captaincy aspirations.

Then they made him captain Rest of India for the Irani trophy.

So, what does he do, he quits the Delhi Daredevils captaincy to concentrate on his batting.

Beware BCCI, before you mess with this man again.

Don’t leave a sinking ship, Ricky Ponting.

Leave it when it’s sunk. Your job is far from done. The day isn’t far when a minnow nation will beat you in a test match. Expect you to blame it on a few bad sessions.

Shakib looks more than likely to knock you out. He has a few handy spinners, bet you don’t even know their names. Do you know Shakib’s name – he’s the Bangladeshi captain, no it isn’t Ashraful anymore.

For the time being, stick as the one day captain, there’s a Champions Trophy in a few weeks. You are the world champions, fifty overs, that’s your scene.

Of course, Clarke beat the Pakis in the desert, you were on leave. Is the one-day break something you picked from Sachin? So you could concentrate on losing the Ashes.

Good, you’ve never been too keen on Twenty20. Though going by the roundabout explanation on split-captaincy options it was tough to tell who was saying what – or who was being made to say what?

You aren’t a very direct person. Have you started to speak in the third person?

Anyway, about the T20 tamasha, leave that to pup. And concentrate on the test record, that’s what Sachin is doing.

The two Andrews: Strauss and Flintoff

When Andrew Strauss was appointed England’s test captain, Andrew Flintoff joked, something to the extent of, Strauss is the butt of change room jokes.

It may have reflected the gamesmanship between the players, but it wasn’t too flattering for England’s new captain.

Strauss, in classic Strauss fashion, did not react to this supposed innocent remark, as that’s just what it possibly was.

Lesser men may have made a mountain out of it. Like why are we even talking about it now?

It’s about timing. It’s about the economy of word, comment, in a flash world of IPL, Strauss is old style. Ballroom cricket almost.

He prefers, at the risk of using a corrupt cricketing phrase, his bat to do the talking. Trouble is, in today’s world, bats do not talk louder than words.

Why else would there be such a clamour for the man, nay the talisman, Andrew Flintoff.

While Andrew F is greater than the sum of his achievements, Andrew S is, and will always be in the shadow of his triumphs.

An IPL contract may never be his. The exaggerated limelight of an Ashes win, one like 2005, where Freddie and KP loomed large over the cricketing world, atop a double-decker, may never be his.

But I doubt that matters much to an everyday guy like Andrew Strauss. For one, his calm of manner makes him stand better on his two feet than float in fluff of clouds.



And here you go for a bored Ashes version

Please retain Ricky Ponting as captain.

Ian Chappell’s expertise is to belittle Steve Waugh: according to him, Ponting’s a better captain than Waugh. Where did that come from, sir?

Earlier Chappell claimed Mark Taylor was a better captain than Steve Waugh. Tomorrow when Michael Clarke is captain, he’ll tell us Clarke’s a better captain than Waugh.

At some point, it’s possible he called brother, Greg a better coach than Waugh. If he knew me, he’d call me a better Indian than Waugh.

Anyway, Chappell’s come to Ponting’s defence, and puts the blame squarely on the Aussie selectors. Here’s what he said -

“If Ponting clamoured for an all-seam attack at The Oval the selectors should have been strong enough and wise enough to advise otherwise.”

Appears the Aussies have learnt little from the series defeats to India, South Africa and now England. Voices like Chappell’s are defiant in their defence for Ponting as skipper.

Sure, retain Ponting as captain. You lost it a long time back. Now here’s to losing it many more times.

Boom Boom Big Daddy Afridi!

Right now, even if Afridi wanted to, he cannot stop himself. He is part of some greater force that has taken hold of him. If there is one English word he knows, it is AGGRESSION. If he had a speech blurb next to him, it would read as “AGGRESSION” - all caps, in italics, for there’s that nonchalant stylised way when he says it. If he sang a song it would be 'I’m too Sexy for my cricket.'

Look at the way he treats players, younger, older, even retired players – did you see him pat that old war horse ex ICL masterji Naved ul Hasan, like a baby patted on his head, “Mamma’s gonna keep baby cozy and warm…”

The youngsters got their share of lovin’ too – but frankly the only part of the match I had any interest in was the post-match chat with BOOM BOOM. He didn’t disappoint. Had the chat gone on longer he would have spanked Rameez Raja– the winks were missing, but the slap on the back was there.

And Afridi talked aggression, how he told his boys, I am aggressive captain, you be aggressive too. That is simple. That is T20. Push, shove, bully, damn it, you gotta intimidate.

And when after a wicket, a camera pans right up his raised arm to that raised finger, you can almost expect a bolt of lightning to strike through. SFX: BOOM BOOM!

Question is, how long will it take Pakistani cricket to make Afridi the all powerful cricketing General. Another bloodless coup.

And we all know how ready Youis can be to abdicate, just the slightest murmur and he’ll be gone.


This was written last night, when the net was willing but the blogger was weak. Today it's not Afridi's day, today, it is Happy Bored Day!

Shahid Afridi, are the teens finally over?

He bats, he bowls, he even wins you matches, let’s make him captain too. That sounds like Shakib Al Hasan’s job profile, so why can’t it be Shahid Afridi’s?

On the face of it, sounds eccentric for Afridi to even have a job profile, just doesn’t sit right. Can Afridi sit? Almost like Jatman-Sehwag and a job profile. Like bottling up dynamite! Listen, no matter how focussed dynamite is, it is still dynamite. For me, Boom Boom is still Bang Bang!

In the T20 World Cup final he was cool like a Collingwood. And he won that, didn’t he? Likewise in the semis. The Boom Boomers say, hasn’t he showed his credentials with Habib Bank, Sind and Karachi Dolphins over the years, and earned this. What, T20, make him captain of the one-day team, test side…ok, he doesn’t play tests or does he? The Boom Boomers will go to the extent of saying, why stop at captaincy, make him President of a political party – his raised arms will be a balm for Pakistan. He’s the real deal, not Imran Bhai.

Also in Boom Boom’s favour is experience and age – he’s been playing for what, 13 years now? He surely has another 13 years in him, and he can’t be more than 13 years’ old himself! Yeah, that’s why he behaves like a teenager every now and then! If Boom Boom had a song it would be, 13 till I die!

But then why try and cajole Younis Khan into captaincy? Is there a plan to make Younis the non-playing smiling T20 captain – handle rough interviews and rough players, is that YK’s job profile?

Still stranger, why appoint Boom Boom captain for the solitary T20 game v Sri Lanka? If he lifts another first ball to long-off, is that it for him? Show some faith, at least make him captain till the 2010 World Cup. It’s not as if it’s 4 years away. And Boom Boom will still be only 13 years’ old then.

But for me, Afridi should be captain because he’s a frigging character. After each wicket the team will strike ballet like poses, raised arms and all. The timing’s spot on, now if only Boom Boom can work things out without the psycho analyst or whatever he was. Else it’ll be, Honey I shrunk the team!


On Bored: Wasim's take on Boom Boom Afridi

What good is a firang captain for desi cricket?

Good: Look at how much the kids will learn under Warnie, Gilli, KP.
Bad: But Pathan, Munaf, Rohit only rock in the IPL, should we include their captains in the national side as their nannies?

Good: They’re great for business and the ads, and we can gush all day about Warnie’s captaincy, look what he did with a bullshit team, and when they got even more bullshit, he still threatened to sneak the semis. And what a rock n roll heart.
Bad: What was it called, KP?

Good: When VVS was downsized, was that an opportunity to ask Rohit Sharma (allegedly the next SRT) to step up and take the reins?
Bad: What about RR, who would they have made captain?
Good: Why, is Ravindra Jadeja too young?

Bad: Franchise interest is not consistent with Indian cricket. Given a chance, they would remove the firang ceiling. That makes me hit the roof.
Good: Should they not decrease the firang ceiling – and if a team does not want to field 4 firangs to hell with them, but yeah, 4 is the limit.

Going into the semis with one firang captain, and three desis. And how I'd like DC to go down. If not tomorrow, then on Sunday. And I like Gilli.

Hey Sachin

Sachin, here you are a captain again. And today, you showed flexibility too, you didn’t open the innings, or was it on the behest of some coach again. Either way, thought it was a good call. Is this a pointer for the ODIs, can you let go there too?

Now, there was this little big moment in the game, before you came on to bowl the match turning over – you were huddled with the kids, Duminy and Bhajji. And you looked like a kid too, in fact, it appeared, it was on their behest that you bowled. And it rankled didn’t it, how many times did you mention that in the interviews?

It’s funny, but I’m now convinced, that among million Indians, I too share some karmic connection with you. Could almost tell you weren’t too keen to bowl, were you? But everything pointed to a spinner bowling – that’s what threatened to swing the game. And if little boy Duminy can have Delhi like a cat on a hot tin roof, Sachin, you, Mr Big spinner, you will make a hot dog outta them Daredevils.

But it didn’t quite feel right. It wasn’t like one of those games where you snatch the ball from skip. It was one of those dreaded games that you don’t get landing rights. You knew it, and so AB de Villiers. And so did I.



Also read Ass IPL moment

A “Heir Raising” story.

To accommodate Indian cricket’s burgeoning list of stars, often a player must pay the price. Ironically sometimes even in the same person, star glitter outshines player value. A stray thought: when it’s all over, will these stars perform in Las Vegas? Will they make it to the OSO guest-list-song remix? Or will they, no, can they settle for the humdrum of a commentary box – where the only play is a turn of phrase, a play of words.

Such is the stature of some Indian cricketers, that it’s not unreasonable to expect a trail of comebacks from them – who knows one day they may even play sporting Big B’s trademark white goatee. Of course, Vinod Kambli has one. Though he hasn’t played in a while.

Beards aside, it’s a hair-raising thought how some players must deal with success, and even answer for it. Often, a strut is mistaken for arrogance, acrobats at point for showmanship, lightheartedness as immaturity, prized Porsches as God-knows-what.

But should success in the shorter version work against a player’s ability in test matches? Flipping the argument, are T20 and ODI heroics a barometer for test adaptability? It’s all up to Yuvraj Singh. He can either end the argument in Australia or leave the debate wide open.

Right now however, the debate rages on: Whether the sheer power of personality, many outstanding T20 and ODI innings and one exceptional test hundred warrant a review of India’s test openers?

While India’s middle order is sacrosanct, the openers are expendable. Had Sunil Gavaskar played his cricket now, he too would’ve been better off in the middle order. Until a tough tour to Australia may have forced him to open – to accommodate a promising middle order player. Of course, that would have cost one of the openers their spot – or maybe the opener would’ve walked into a tree and bruised his shoulder. It hurts being an Indian opener.

Going by the solitary warm-up game versus Victoria, Rahul Dravid, India’s mainstay at number three looks likely to open with Wasim Jaffer in the Melbourne test. This will, as even every cricket ignoramus knows, accommodate the heir apparent, Yuvraj Singh. Pardon the pun, but this can be a “Heir Raising” move – and put India’s future test vice captain, and possible captain in his place – the test team. After all, it’s tough being captain when you can’t make the team.

In the long run, can this prove to be a masterstroke? Going by the shrinking shelf life of Indian captains, and the topsy-turvy ways of our cricket in general, the team needs Yuvraj Singh in the test mix – that is assuming he takes to test cricket like Yuvi took to T20. Look around, barring MS Dhoni there is no likely successor to Anil Kumble as test captain.

But it still defies logic for Rahul Dravid to open the innings. If anything, Yuvraj’s place should be at the cost of another middle order batsman – a player, not a superstar? Cruel yet the lesser of the two evils - as today, both Tendulkar and Ganguly are untouchable. Ideally VVS Laxman should play, but not at the cost of Dravid opening, but as a middle order bat instead of Yuvraj Singh. But then, Indian cricket is far from ideal; on the contrary it’s replete with contradictions.

Of course, going by Dinesh Karthik’s and Virender Sewhag’s uncertain form off late, neither make compelling choices to partner Wasim Jaffer – which makes it obvious that both players are fallback options in case of an eventuality, like one of the openers/other batsmen injuring themselves or rather, Brett Lee or Shaun Tait doing the honours. Had India planned ahead, Sehwag could have played, even opened in the third test versus Pakistan – runs were to be had, bowlers to be bullied, confidence to be gained. Yuvraj will vouch for that.

Rahul Dravid opening plus Yuvraj Singh and VVS Laxman in the same eleven is possible because of 1) VVS’ good form through the last few series 2) Ganguly and Jaffer scoring heavily 3) Dinesh Karthik’s below par Pak series. For now, everyone is happy. India’s latest darling, Yuvi is almost certainly in. As is the fall guy, and fallback man, VVS Laxman. So, are the big names that make the grand tally of 30,000 test runs as Anil Kumble reminds us. It doesn’t matter who plays where, as long as they all play!

Crucially, Dravid mentioned the ten-minute changeover between test innings – the bane of opening batsmen. Even if Dravid is accustomed to walk in early at the fall of the first wicket, it’s a far cry from being an opener. For one, as he says, “it’s a different mindset”. Whether it is for cricket or non-cricketing reasons, in the last few series, Dravid’s mindset seems to have changed. With a lean patch versus England and Pakistan not quite behind him, will the opening slot add further pressure? Or will it be yet another redemption song? With nearly 7500 runs (from 146 innings) at No. 3 at an average of over 57, compared to 369 runs (from 13innings) opening at an average of 33, picking slots is a no-brainer. But then that’s Indian cricket for you.