Onions looks like a proper number eleven.

Before him there was Monty Panesar, he saved a test too. But he didn’t play the next one. Fat lot of good saving a test with the bat does for a bowler; good for Onions, he pocketed a four for, and two not outs. Trouble is, the not out won’t do much for him – he is not a batsman, at best, he could become a night watchman, or say, the second night watchman. That is, if Anderson falls before stumps, in you go Onions. Is that any good?

Of course, it will give Onions satisfaction. He will stay awake in bed, replaying his moment of glory. I would if I was Onions – maybe I would cry too, Dad, what kinda name is this?

It is newsworthy, prone to puns, but will they ever take him seriously? I often worry for the workhorses; look what they did to Hoggard, where are you now Mathew?

When Onions first appeared on the scene, I didn’t expect him to last long. 6 tests, 4 ODIs @27, not very promising for a quick bowler – stopgap at best, and when the next blonde fast bowling sensation comes, you’ll be benched.

It’s tough when your good is never good enough. Ask all the quicks that continue to sit out when the selectors feel like calling Ishant Sharma back.

Onions, how will you fight youth, flair and glamour – hope you do, cricket needs some hard work, why not start with the cricketers.


On Bored: Play the last session first

Prince of referrals.

After a long drawn out fish lunch, I dipped into the England South Africa test match. Just my luck, Ashwell Prince was batting, if you can call it that. To me he was the cricketer formerly known as Prince, long retired.

I didn’t think Prince was still playing internationals. Next thing you know McKenzie will be back, after tinkering with the toilet seat. Anyway South Africa last played a test match in the ice age, so it’s tough to tell which ones made it to global warming.

So here I am nodding off, half watching Prince play. There’s Amla at the other end, flowing drives, beard et al, but I just can’t keep awake.

Then an Onions’ delivery raps Prince on the pads – Onions appeals – finger raised. A constipated Prince looks at Amla – should I try an appeal or a crap?

The referral happens. I’m awake again. Not a no ball, pitched in line, hit in line, but going over the stumps. Not out.

That’s all ok, but this is curious business, this referral system – I’d like to see players use it more adventurously. Like say, when clean bowled – question the decision, ask for a referral.

It may be pitching in line, hitting the stumps, but it can still be a no ball. Let’s push the limits of idiocy.

My guess is that KP will ask for the first bowled dismissal to be referred.

Naturally it will be after playing a reverse sweep to a fast bowler.

And for a fleeting moment, English cricket will feel like it was part of the Stanford millions, the IPL; but we all know how it will end.


On Bored: Extra KP!