High on Chanderpaul

It's not as if you or I were given out
It was Shivnarine Chanderpaul given out
Not once but twice given out
Not once but twice given out

Checked in for bed & breakfast
Loads of runs, bangers and mash
Scoring runs like a rash
And still he wouldn’t get that Stanford cash!

The finger went up
He stood there holding his empty cup
And then the referral
And then the referral

It pulled the plate right before his eyes
Hungry he was and it hit him high
But these umpires and their crooked lies
Why don’t they get outta here, go bake some pies

Already invested in a bad plan
Lost a million before he won it
A lone man, not part of a clan
Lost a million before he won it

High on Chanderpaul we was
High on Chanderpaul the ball was
High handed on Chanderpaul the umpire was
High handed on Chanderpaul the third umpire was.

3rd umpire's visual evidence for Chanderpaul's Dismissal

This is not my swan song.

This is not my swan song
This is not my gone song
This is not my last hurrah

You’re either in or you’re out
You’re either playing or you are not
How hard can it be – to give it all you got
When all you got is…

I took somebody’s place
Somebody with more runs than me
Somebody will take my place
Somebody with less runs than me

It’s always the same
Nobody’s getting younger
It’s always the same
Somebody’s gotta cop the blame

Why don’t I speak to Steven Waugh?
And ask him what a scrap is?
Why don’t I speak to Shivnarine Chanderpaul?
And ask him what to bat like crap is?

We were the brightest stars
Playing like children play, with their dinky cars
Now we are nowhere half as cute
So we’re told, you can either fly away
Or take a chute
Take a chute, take a chute

But
This is not my swan song
This is not my gone song
This is not my last hurrah.

And I
Think I know what a scrap is
Think I know what to bat like crap is.
Think I know.
I think I know.

Bill Lawry: GAAAWN!

(To be performed by Yusuf Islam a.k.a Cat Stevens, ideally)