I am the Real IPL Player!

I’m really real
I’m not a fake
I’m here in South Africa for Heaven’s sake
Not far away in some banana shake

I am the Real IPL Player
I am!
Not the Fake IPL Player
I am not!

I will take real names
Not any fake names
I’m here in South Africa
Not sitting somewhere far away in Antarctica

I’d love to play cricket in an animal safari
Bowl to some wild cat, sipping on my Campari
Instead I will sing and dance with them
Oh those round a*sed cheerleaders, how I love ‘em!

I am the Real IPL Player
No, no, I’m not the fake
I’m not gonna call him the Sheikh of Tweak
I'll call him Shane, and share with him a steak

I’m loyal to the royals
And with Delhi my blood boils
I’m for Real, I am
I’m not a Fake, I am not

Give me a shot!
It’s gonna get hot
You’ll forget what was it that
Alexander with Porus Fought!

Coz I am for REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!
I am!
I am not a FAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!
I am not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Som is the Real IPL Player at Bored Cricket Crazy Indians. Because Som like it hot!

AFRICAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Look who’s coming to you, baby!

Goldyji, from the Beer & Wine shop called – he wanted to send me to South Africa. But for that he wanted me to first send myself to the B&W shop. I didn’t want to send myself anywhere, not at 4pm, on a May Day -but these Kingfisher suits were over, as were the cards, one out of those five were going to turn me into a cheerleader.

I had to go. And look what I picked – a Kingfisher Delhi Daredevils Bat Opener, suddenly I felt like Gaurav Gambhir. The suits felt my pain, and on a second attempt when I didn’t pick SAF, but another opener, they felt duty bound to gift me the Kingfisher Delhi Daredevils Ball Clock. Yeah, it sounds obscene, but it doesn’t look half as bad.

I drove back with a heavy heart, and an even heavier crate of beer. Maybe a Bored Member wasn’t meant to be in South Africa. Who will be the Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!) IPL rep – with such thoughts I nearly drove up the wrong tree.

But all wasn’t lost. Maybe for the Knight Riders but not for BCC! - Bored Member Som (of Doosra fame) was going hitch a ride to South Africa. As I write, Som opens his stance for an airhostess at 24,000 feet.

He will soon be in South Africa. And once there he will lock horns with cheerleaders, big Mommas, little miss sunshines, a light tower, a digital scoreboard, the Joburg night scene, Joburg crime scene, lewd African jokes, black magic, white minority reports, and even cricketers whose real names he will take – Yeah, he’s no fake, he’s THE REAL IPL PLAYER.

Eat your heart out, baby!

YES! I want to follow 'Som from South Africa' at Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!)

Cricket Kama Sutra

1) S Badrinath

2) S Badrinath

3) S Badrinath

4) S Badrinath

5) S Badrinath

6) S Badrinath

7) S Badrinath

8) S Badrinath

9) S Badrinath

10) S Badrinath

11) S Badrinath


S Badrinath bats in every position you can dream of, and then some more.

I’ve been waiting for you kid

Why else would I pick you in my fantasy team – you may say I’m a dreamer, but look, Jumbo picked you too, no doubt after a chat with Jammy. I’m convinced the only reason Jammy returned was to have that chat with Jumbo. KP was gone, and you must have thought you were gone too, but then came along Jumbo. Of course, this is what I think. And yeah, glad to see you think too.

Anyway, going back to that fantasy team – appreciate the fact you’ve not been dropped so far (I’m allowed 6 substitutions kid). Seems like ages back that you played that manic 80 odd against the Poms. And then it fell apart. Face it, you scored too fast, you hit the ball in the air too much, and they preferred Gauti to you. You were never ever in contention for a test slot anyway. I never figured that out, don’t think you did either. Worse still, even though you were an opener, doubt the team saw you as opening material, whatever that means. Had you been more of a dullhead, who knows what could have been?

You had your breaks, but they were all over the place, and so were you. Then they put the breaks on you, kid. That T20 world cup and those effusive bows seem like a long way back.

And here you were set to bow out of the IPL. Nobody would remember your straight hits, run-outs, the bows, yes, they are hard to forget.

And then this innings came along, you and mid wicket were an item again. And you scored faster than I could glug my whiskey. That was one heady innings kid, just hope it doesn’t go to your head again. I have a feeling it won’t.

Another thing: do not wear wicketkeeping gloves again, not even in private. Don't want to end up like DK boy and little hearts, do you?

Read more about the kid

An IPL makeover

Don’t know what it is, but I tend to spend time with the Delhi Daredevils. Here I was again at the adidas store, checking out the new colours, new prices, and this new customised name scheme. So if your name is Vinnie Dildo and you’re a bit wary supporting your own team, no worries – you can buy a customised Daredevils team jersey with your name, just where Viru or Gauti have theirs. That will be 2000 bucks please.

In walked an 8-9 year old kid (and no I’m not a fake adidas store player) with his daddy in tow, who appeared to have broken a limb. Can’t say whether he acted in a play, and someone told him to break a leg.

Anyway, when the two were at the counter, paying up, noticed they’d both picked a Daredevil team jersey (team jersey, why call it that?) and I had to ask if they were name customised, which they were.

And I had to ask the kid, who his favourite player was? The specky little kid, in his Daredevil cap looked me in the eye and said: Virender Sehwag. And I agreed, yeah, me too, me too.

Somewhere around lurked a guy in a Deccan Chargers t-shirt overhearing us. Spies everywhere I tell you. Could he be a new fake ipl player in the making?

Also read Who will captain daredevils?

Delhi Daredevils vs. Deccan Chargers (Deep Insights)

Fake IPL Player and the movies.

I think the 'Fake IPL Player' blog is a hyped KKR-Bollywood stunt. The blog could be assembled by more than one guy, but with the final go-ahead from the big boss – anybody who’s read Akash Chopra, self ridiculing style will be thinking, is it him?

Just think back to his U.K. Diary in Hindustan Times – they pulled no punches. Chopra, at no point, made excuses for himself as a player, or the reason behind his cricket cum business trip, playing some lowly league cricket on deathly damp pitches where no sane cricketer would dream of a pitch inspection leave alone a game.

Then there’s the almost aloof Murali Kartik, done time in the counties again, picked some of that wry English humour, have you M?

And what about SRK, back to school, theatre, bring some of that drama into his team?

Either way KKR don’t lose – they’re the only team that has been in the news through-out.

Look at the build up in the blogs, the almost Hitchcockesque tension, as if the fake IPL player will be stabbed blogging in the shower.

Either way, this is masti. And that’s what the IPL is? For a test match, the 12th man can write a book. Leather bound obviously.

Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!) posted the 'Fake IPL Player' even before fake could post it.