NCartoon

"I refuse to clean your shit for you this time...
who do you think I am, VVS Laxman???"

On Bored: Chris Martin's Investigations

If I was a ball

If you was a ball

Whose bat would you be touched by

If you was a ball

Whose bat would you be touched by

If I was a ball I’d like to stay in shape

I’d like to travel far beyond the boundary ropes

If I was a ball

I’d like to go for an on drive

I’d like fielders running after me

Like boys run after girls

I’d like them to chase me, always interested somehow

Never giving up hope

I’d like to be played off the pads

Pulled and cut and flicked

But never in anger

I may be a ball, but I got my feelings

Feelings that very few can tell

Feelings that very special few can tell

Very, very special few can tell

If I was a ball, I’d like to be touched

By VVS’ bat

He doesn’t ignore, he plays me

With his bat

The pads they’re part of his uniform

What’s with Laxman, he’s always in form

If I was a ball, If you was a ball

Whose bat would you be touched by?


on bored: vvs laxman

This is not my swan song.

This is not my swan song
This is not my gone song
This is not my last hurrah

You’re either in or you’re out
You’re either playing or you are not
How hard can it be – to give it all you got
When all you got is…

I took somebody’s place
Somebody with more runs than me
Somebody will take my place
Somebody with less runs than me

It’s always the same
Nobody’s getting younger
It’s always the same
Somebody’s gotta cop the blame

Why don’t I speak to Steven Waugh?
And ask him what a scrap is?
Why don’t I speak to Shivnarine Chanderpaul?
And ask him what to bat like crap is?

We were the brightest stars
Playing like children play, with their dinky cars
Now we are nowhere half as cute
So we’re told, you can either fly away
Or take a chute
Take a chute, take a chute

But
This is not my swan song
This is not my gone song
This is not my last hurrah.

And I
Think I know what a scrap is
Think I know what to bat like crap is.
Think I know.
I think I know.

Bill Lawry: GAAAWN!

(To be performed by Yusuf Islam a.k.a Cat Stevens, ideally)