After losing their first game, Mumbai Indians gather for a private screening of MI (Mission Impossible). Prior to the screening, there’s an argument between the cricketers
Pollard: Awww Maaan, I already seen dat movie
Bhajji: Sachin has selected it Kiran…
Bravo: Can’t we see MI2 maan
Bhajji: Next Tiwary will say can’t we see MI in Hindi…
Tiwary: Can’t we see MI in Hindi…
Bhajji is exasperated and draws for his hand to slap someone, he flinches, twitches, is about to…when Sachin walks in…and with him a cool breeze..
Bhajji: Thank You Sachin for coming…we can’t decide on which version of MI to play
Sachin: Oh that…yeah, selection kept me awake at night.. I was thinking…(looks at Saurabh Tiwary)…ok, you wanna play?
Tiwary: Hindi version…
Sachin: Tiwary, we’ve been through this before…we can’t play a Hindi version…we have to play 4 foreigners…Pollard, what do you say?
Pollard: Awww man, I dunno…I was telling Bhajji, I’ve seen it all…
Sachin: Oh, you want a totally new version…an untried side because MI didn’t come off…Bravo??
Bravo: MI2 is cool with me Sach
Sachin: Bhajji, what do you say, MI or MI2?
Bhajji is going nuts, but he can’t insult or contradict Sachin – instead he slaps himself.
On Bored: More cricket films
Showing posts with label Bhajji. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bhajji. Show all posts
September 14, 2010
January 13, 2010
January 01, 2010
What's not in a name
Harbhajan has many names - Bhaj, Bhajji, ‘bhajan, Har’, Turbunator, and no doubt others that have endeared him to you. While each name has its time and place, none of the names capture the flying Sikh in his element.
If it wasn’t for the geyser repairman’s visit, this name would never have come to me; his name was - Hulchul Singh.
As I heard Hulchul Singh say Hulchul Singh, I felt Bhajji had come to repair my geyser. I kept a safe distance from Hulchul Singh; more than an arm’s length away.
Hulchul Singh was a modest little man. But his name it was so damn kinetic. With a name like that, I almost expected him to run in with the tri-colour to repair my geyser, Bhajji would have done no less.
With a name like that I expected Hulchul to teri ma ki the geyser, rip it out of the wall, and then hurl it through the window, Bhajji would have done no less.
With a name like that, bet you get the drift, you just want to drift.
You can meet Hulchul Singh on bored here; after the Continuing Saga of BossDK and BiggBosST, Jatman, Bored Peon & Bored Neon, he just had to make his grand entry – on New Year’s day. Happy, Hulchul?
If it wasn’t for the geyser repairman’s visit, this name would never have come to me; his name was - Hulchul Singh.
As I heard Hulchul Singh say Hulchul Singh, I felt Bhajji had come to repair my geyser. I kept a safe distance from Hulchul Singh; more than an arm’s length away.
Hulchul Singh was a modest little man. But his name it was so damn kinetic. With a name like that, I almost expected him to run in with the tri-colour to repair my geyser, Bhajji would have done no less.
With a name like that I expected Hulchul to teri ma ki the geyser, rip it out of the wall, and then hurl it through the window, Bhajji would have done no less.
With a name like that, bet you get the drift, you just want to drift.
You can meet Hulchul Singh on bored here; after the Continuing Saga of BossDK and BiggBosST, Jatman, Bored Peon & Bored Neon, he just had to make his grand entry – on New Year’s day. Happy, Hulchul?
October 29, 2009
No balls to you!
By the 49th over, India was 349/4. After that, Fall of wickets 5-352 (Dhoni, 49.3 ov), 6-353 (Raina, 49.5 ov), 7-354 (Kumar, 49.6 ov)
Where’s Ravindra Jadeja - Padded up on the bench.
The kid has a first class double, a highest of 232* plus one more century, an average of 38. Compare that to Bhajji and PK: both have fifties but no century. Bhajji’s first class average 19, PK’s 23.
It wasn’t just the last over, it was a few balls in the last over. India was past 350. Bhajji and PK had crazy quick Domino’s delivery runs in the last game. They were expected to deliver again.
I don’t have much against that, esp after seeing Jadeja all at sea in the first ODI.
But just imagine what it does, when you see the bowlers bat before you – luckily for Jadeja it was only a few balls, imagine the scars had Bhajji and PK gone in earlier.
Then again, imagine what those few balls could have meant to Jadeja? That too with a license to throw Shastri’s proverbial kitchen sink at everything.
Looks like I’ll have to give Jadeja a net in the Kotla. Bhajji, try and stop me.
On Bored: The day this Jadeja will be called Jaddu
Where’s Ravindra Jadeja - Padded up on the bench.
The kid has a first class double, a highest of 232* plus one more century, an average of 38. Compare that to Bhajji and PK: both have fifties but no century. Bhajji’s first class average 19, PK’s 23.
It wasn’t just the last over, it was a few balls in the last over. India was past 350. Bhajji and PK had crazy quick Domino’s delivery runs in the last game. They were expected to deliver again.
I don’t have much against that, esp after seeing Jadeja all at sea in the first ODI.
But just imagine what it does, when you see the bowlers bat before you – luckily for Jadeja it was only a few balls, imagine the scars had Bhajji and PK gone in earlier.
Then again, imagine what those few balls could have meant to Jadeja? That too with a license to throw Shastri’s proverbial kitchen sink at everything.
Looks like I’ll have to give Jadeja a net in the Kotla. Bhajji, try and stop me.
On Bored: The day this Jadeja will be called Jaddu
October 25, 2009
Ten more Sikhs
Today, even Bhajji the bowler couldn’t put off Bhajji the batsman. If one Sikh could achieve this much, imagine what eleven can. Here is the BCC! Turbanator XI, as always, way before the game. But as always, falling on deaf years. How dumb can they be?
Chances are, you will also enjoy, the longest single cricket blog, Cricketers who can Singh
Chances are, you will also enjoy, the longest single cricket blog, Cricketers who can Singh
September 27, 2009
For this we didn’t pick Amit Mishra:
10-0-71-1
5 runs from 10 balls.
These the two reasons to not play Mishra. First Bhajj, the first choice spinner, secondly, Yusuf Pathan, the 7th batsman and the 5th bowler.
Yeah, Bhajji got a five for the other day, and Yusuf has done incredible things in the IPL.
It’s just that one isn’t a bowler, and the other isn’t a batsman. These marketing guys can sell you strange sh*t.
5 runs from 10 balls.
These the two reasons to not play Mishra. First Bhajj, the first choice spinner, secondly, Yusuf Pathan, the 7th batsman and the 5th bowler.
Yeah, Bhajji got a five for the other day, and Yusuf has done incredible things in the IPL.
It’s just that one isn’t a bowler, and the other isn’t a batsman. These marketing guys can sell you strange sh*t.
September 02, 2009
Amit Mishra on silly TV
Question: Do you feel threatened by Ojha? - He’s a different type of bowler, left arm spinner… and then talk of Mishra the batsman, you have a reputation in first class cricket but haven’t done much in internationals? Boss, if you were last man in, don’t think you’d do much either.
Then the masterstroke, you’ve achieved so much - Just now I have a lot to achieve, when I do what I have in mind, I will tell you.
It wasn’t a man of the match interview, but as always Mishra had bite, not just with the ball, but with his bole.
There was talk of the Masters, Kumble and Bhajji, and Mishra was smart enough to talk of Bhajji as a great bowler, or something on those lines. Around that time I lost interest in the show, but it was almost over.
On BCC! - Amit Mishra: Lost and Found
Then the masterstroke, you’ve achieved so much - Just now I have a lot to achieve, when I do what I have in mind, I will tell you.
It wasn’t a man of the match interview, but as always Mishra had bite, not just with the ball, but with his bole.
There was talk of the Masters, Kumble and Bhajji, and Mishra was smart enough to talk of Bhajji as a great bowler, or something on those lines. Around that time I lost interest in the show, but it was almost over.
On BCC! - Amit Mishra: Lost and Found
April 07, 2009
April 29, 2008
19th Nervous Breakdown.
Go on, abuse Harbhajan Singh.
It’s politically correct.
Call him names. Call him big, bad dirty Hinglish names. Names that would have made Bhajji proud.
Bhajji is no saint. A while back he said Gilchrist was no saint.
Where did that come from? Ok, that was Australia, Sydney, Symonds, monkey, teri ma ki. Is Australia relevant?
From India’s favourite son, beholder of national pride, he is now a human stain. A cricketing untouchable.
And unlike in the Aussie chapter, this time, action was swift. An eleven match IPL ban, and Bhajji’s fifteen minutes of fame were over.
But why did it come to this?
Weren’t the telltale signs always there – in Australia, in the South Africa series, in the dressing room? Of course, what happens in there stays there.
Is Bhajji alone responsible? Was he so potent a power that Sachin Tendulkar, M.S. Dhoni, Lalchand Rajput, Garry Kirsten just let him be.
What about Anil Kumble? What was his take on Bhajji’s theatrics in the last two test series? Or was he neutralised like some of the village elders?
Isn’t Bhajji one of M.S. Dhoni’s ablest lieutenants in both the T20 and one-day games -what was his take all along?
What was our take? What was the media’s take? Did we give a damn, as long as Bhajji was proven not guilty in Australia?
Who else has been undermined in the past? Why did Dravid resign as test captain? Kumble over Bhajji for Dravid; Bhajji over Kumble for Ganguly. Why do we continue to hear talks of favouritism?
And now Bhajji v/s Sreesanth. North v/s South. Welcome to IPL.
And why was Harbhajan Singh made Mumbai Indians’ captain? In the absence of Sachin Tendulkar, did a team called “Indians” demand a provocative Indian player as its first face? While foreign veterans Shaun Pollock and Sanath Jayasuriya were overlooked, Bhajji was at best a popular choice. The selection disregarded his short fuse, flawed people skills, and penchant for pangas.
The same Bhajji who suffers anxiety attacks when he doesn’t strike early. A common refrain when he comes on to bowl: “needs an early wicket”. Or else.
And when that early wicket eludes, watch the shoulders twitch, droop, fall – followed by an uneasy grimace at missfields, another nervous breakdown at a dropped catch. As if the catch dropped was a personal attack on his virility.
Imagine then, what erupts when Sreesanth missfields or drops a catch off Bhajji’s bowling? Lord have mercy.
The irony of Bhajji being his own worst enemy is not lost in this: first, he overestimated his own capabilities and accepted the Mumbai Indians’ captaincy. The first few defeats set the bomb ticking, the last one, ironically against Kings XI Punjab, exploded in his face.
Looking at Bhajji operate, you sense the world is his enemy. Looking at Sreesanth act, you sense he’s the world’s enemy. One perception leads to the other, and finally, the two cricketers persecute themselves, with or without the help of others.
It’s no surprise then that two players, so similar, almost craving for the world’s attention, could not coexist in the same team. And while their craft of pace and spin, is as dissimilar, as North and South, they almost appear to be threatened by the others one-upmanship.
A telling difference between the two, Singh at 27, is a ten year veteran in world cricket, while Sreesanth at 25, made his international debut in 2006.
Yet somehow the two continue to act like squabbling six year olds. “Gimme my bat, that’s my ball…WACK!!”
And if that is the case, reform school cannot be far behind. For, to punish them with match bans and set them lose again will be wrong on both Indian cricket and the two players.
Here’s a rare opportunity for Indian cricket: to make two wrongs right.
Suggested listening:
19th Nervous Breakdown by Rolling Stones
Paper Tiger by Beck
Go on, abuse Harbhajan Singh.
It’s politically correct.
Call him names. Call him big, bad dirty Hinglish names. Names that would have made Bhajji proud.
Bhajji is no saint. A while back he said Gilchrist was no saint.
Where did that come from? Ok, that was Australia, Sydney, Symonds, monkey, teri ma ki. Is Australia relevant?
From India’s favourite son, beholder of national pride, he is now a human stain. A cricketing untouchable.
And unlike in the Aussie chapter, this time, action was swift. An eleven match IPL ban, and Bhajji’s fifteen minutes of fame were over.
But why did it come to this?
Weren’t the telltale signs always there – in Australia, in the South Africa series, in the dressing room? Of course, what happens in there stays there.
Is Bhajji alone responsible? Was he so potent a power that Sachin Tendulkar, M.S. Dhoni, Lalchand Rajput, Garry Kirsten just let him be.
What about Anil Kumble? What was his take on Bhajji’s theatrics in the last two test series? Or was he neutralised like some of the village elders?
Isn’t Bhajji one of M.S. Dhoni’s ablest lieutenants in both the T20 and one-day games -what was his take all along?
What was our take? What was the media’s take? Did we give a damn, as long as Bhajji was proven not guilty in Australia?
Who else has been undermined in the past? Why did Dravid resign as test captain? Kumble over Bhajji for Dravid; Bhajji over Kumble for Ganguly. Why do we continue to hear talks of favouritism?
And now Bhajji v/s Sreesanth. North v/s South. Welcome to IPL.
And why was Harbhajan Singh made Mumbai Indians’ captain? In the absence of Sachin Tendulkar, did a team called “Indians” demand a provocative Indian player as its first face? While foreign veterans Shaun Pollock and Sanath Jayasuriya were overlooked, Bhajji was at best a popular choice. The selection disregarded his short fuse, flawed people skills, and penchant for pangas.
The same Bhajji who suffers anxiety attacks when he doesn’t strike early. A common refrain when he comes on to bowl: “needs an early wicket”. Or else.
And when that early wicket eludes, watch the shoulders twitch, droop, fall – followed by an uneasy grimace at missfields, another nervous breakdown at a dropped catch. As if the catch dropped was a personal attack on his virility.
Imagine then, what erupts when Sreesanth missfields or drops a catch off Bhajji’s bowling? Lord have mercy.
The irony of Bhajji being his own worst enemy is not lost in this: first, he overestimated his own capabilities and accepted the Mumbai Indians’ captaincy. The first few defeats set the bomb ticking, the last one, ironically against Kings XI Punjab, exploded in his face.
Looking at Bhajji operate, you sense the world is his enemy. Looking at Sreesanth act, you sense he’s the world’s enemy. One perception leads to the other, and finally, the two cricketers persecute themselves, with or without the help of others.
It’s no surprise then that two players, so similar, almost craving for the world’s attention, could not coexist in the same team. And while their craft of pace and spin, is as dissimilar, as North and South, they almost appear to be threatened by the others one-upmanship.
A telling difference between the two, Singh at 27, is a ten year veteran in world cricket, while Sreesanth at 25, made his international debut in 2006.
Yet somehow the two continue to act like squabbling six year olds. “Gimme my bat, that’s my ball…WACK!!”
And if that is the case, reform school cannot be far behind. For, to punish them with match bans and set them lose again will be wrong on both Indian cricket and the two players.
Here’s a rare opportunity for Indian cricket: to make two wrongs right.
Suggested listening:
19th Nervous Breakdown by Rolling Stones
Paper Tiger by Beck
January 07, 2008
Cricket for Dummies!
“Hindi Cheeni Bhai Bhai!” When that last echoed, a war was waged on the unsuspecting people of India. And now: an unwritten gentleman’s agreement between the Australian and Indian cricket captains before the start of the test series down under. The outcome may not have been quite “Made in China”, yet it was suitably cheap. However, for once, there are no takers in India. After the blatant betrayal of the Sydney test, doubt many Indians will ever trust an Australian - on or off a cricket field.
Call it stereotyping, call it a chain reaction, call it racism, but one doubts any Indian, or Australian for that matter, is going to call it quits in a hurry. Today we condemn cricket’s “gentlemanly” crooks: who suffer from a public school hangover that prompts them to tell-to-sir! Sadly, the latest developments could spawn a whole new breed of cricket hooligans – more akin to football hooligans. When the fights take to the stands, streets and rear their ugly head like Zidane on the field. What then?
How will a sixty one year old, who cannot hear heavy nicks but sees invisible edges cope – or hope to control enraged cricketers? Is it any wonder that Steve Bucknor ceased to umpire, in his earlier avatar as a FIFA referee because the age limit was lowered to forty-five. What then must the age limit for international cricket umpires be – Bucknor’s age minus how many years? How long back did Bucknor allow his prejudices to creep into the decision making process? When did “Slow Death”, as he’s often called, decide to give India the kiss of death?
And when exactly did the Australian machine start to steamroll umpires with the perfect ten Nadia like appeal routine? But then, they’re hardly appeals. More like crazed celebrations. That cocksure they are. And when their certainty is disturbed, they too are disturbed. And it’s down to anything for that record equaling sixteenth win – shudder to think what they’ll do to break the record.
There’s no denying that Bucknor’s role, in cahoots with the other erring umpire, Mark Benson, is significant in the India-Australia impasse. Swept by the Aussie juggernaut, they too laid siege on India. First it was woeful umpiring – but soon it became bad man-management and a communication breakdown. Third umpires were made redundant. Though when used they were still redundant. Any coincidence the third umpire who gave Andrew Symonds not out (when successfully stumped by M.S. Dhoni) was Australian. Though not as Aussie as the Jamaican, Bucknor and the English, Benson.
South African match referee, Mike Proctor’s conviction of Harbhajan Singh for an alleged racist remark (that wasn’t captured by umpire or camera or microphone) was the skunk poo icing on an already stinking test match. And regardless of which way Bhajji’s counter-appeal goes, the series is already lost in more ways than one. Perhaps the only way to salvage anything from here would be to head back home. Reckon at times what’s broken cannot be mended.
It’s tough to say what our stoic skipper may be feeling – think Jawaharlal Nehru, a few decades back when he was informed of the Chinese invasion. Almost a sense of irony when Anil Kumble says it’s just a game. For, a game it ceased to be a long time back. If you want out or watch from afar, then it might still be a game. If you play or follow cricket with even a remote sense of purpose or intensity, then sir, you know, as well as Anil Bhai does, this is no game. Cricket as we know it today, is indefinable. And inflammable. And as we speak, the media, the players, the two nations feed the flames. And as you read this, you too feed the flames.
It’s obvious now, that the very warped nature of its inheritance, its so-called pseudo good manners are choking cricket. The archaic comparisons with a bygone era, when television didn’t expose players or parade umpires as morons, is strangling cricket. It will continue to do so, unless we give in – to either the past or the future. And though it’s more than likely that cricket will eventually lose some of its charm and quirks, it will resurface as a more agreeable game. Though definitely as one with a lesser I.Q. Welcome to cricket for dummies. A punter’s delight!
“Hindi Cheeni Bhai Bhai!” When that last echoed, a war was waged on the unsuspecting people of India. And now: an unwritten gentleman’s agreement between the Australian and Indian cricket captains before the start of the test series down under. The outcome may not have been quite “Made in China”, yet it was suitably cheap. However, for once, there are no takers in India. After the blatant betrayal of the Sydney test, doubt many Indians will ever trust an Australian - on or off a cricket field.
Call it stereotyping, call it a chain reaction, call it racism, but one doubts any Indian, or Australian for that matter, is going to call it quits in a hurry. Today we condemn cricket’s “gentlemanly” crooks: who suffer from a public school hangover that prompts them to tell-to-sir! Sadly, the latest developments could spawn a whole new breed of cricket hooligans – more akin to football hooligans. When the fights take to the stands, streets and rear their ugly head like Zidane on the field. What then?
How will a sixty one year old, who cannot hear heavy nicks but sees invisible edges cope – or hope to control enraged cricketers? Is it any wonder that Steve Bucknor ceased to umpire, in his earlier avatar as a FIFA referee because the age limit was lowered to forty-five. What then must the age limit for international cricket umpires be – Bucknor’s age minus how many years? How long back did Bucknor allow his prejudices to creep into the decision making process? When did “Slow Death”, as he’s often called, decide to give India the kiss of death?
And when exactly did the Australian machine start to steamroll umpires with the perfect ten Nadia like appeal routine? But then, they’re hardly appeals. More like crazed celebrations. That cocksure they are. And when their certainty is disturbed, they too are disturbed. And it’s down to anything for that record equaling sixteenth win – shudder to think what they’ll do to break the record.
There’s no denying that Bucknor’s role, in cahoots with the other erring umpire, Mark Benson, is significant in the India-Australia impasse. Swept by the Aussie juggernaut, they too laid siege on India. First it was woeful umpiring – but soon it became bad man-management and a communication breakdown. Third umpires were made redundant. Though when used they were still redundant. Any coincidence the third umpire who gave Andrew Symonds not out (when successfully stumped by M.S. Dhoni) was Australian. Though not as Aussie as the Jamaican, Bucknor and the English, Benson.
South African match referee, Mike Proctor’s conviction of Harbhajan Singh for an alleged racist remark (that wasn’t captured by umpire or camera or microphone) was the skunk poo icing on an already stinking test match. And regardless of which way Bhajji’s counter-appeal goes, the series is already lost in more ways than one. Perhaps the only way to salvage anything from here would be to head back home. Reckon at times what’s broken cannot be mended.
It’s tough to say what our stoic skipper may be feeling – think Jawaharlal Nehru, a few decades back when he was informed of the Chinese invasion. Almost a sense of irony when Anil Kumble says it’s just a game. For, a game it ceased to be a long time back. If you want out or watch from afar, then it might still be a game. If you play or follow cricket with even a remote sense of purpose or intensity, then sir, you know, as well as Anil Bhai does, this is no game. Cricket as we know it today, is indefinable. And inflammable. And as we speak, the media, the players, the two nations feed the flames. And as you read this, you too feed the flames.
It’s obvious now, that the very warped nature of its inheritance, its so-called pseudo good manners are choking cricket. The archaic comparisons with a bygone era, when television didn’t expose players or parade umpires as morons, is strangling cricket. It will continue to do so, unless we give in – to either the past or the future. And though it’s more than likely that cricket will eventually lose some of its charm and quirks, it will resurface as a more agreeable game. Though definitely as one with a lesser I.Q. Welcome to cricket for dummies. A punter’s delight!
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