The 3 Days, 2 Nights B&B Ashes weekend getaway

That's England at Headingley for you.

They just did test cricket a huge disservice. Almost predictably, they lost it after Strauss’ wicket, not once but twice. On an Early Bored Call @ twitter after Strauss’ first innings’ wicket, this – “Australia will win the 4th Ashes test at Headingley. Looked over my shoulder, and it was 2 wickets down.

Funny bit is England was set for defeat: much before they took the field, and even before they were hurled out of bed by the fire alarm. For a side that can obsess with one player, even if he’s the only player they got, England deserved to lose.

Think they believed in their inadequacies as a team, in the Langer dossier, in basically nothing.

If this is not match fixing then what is?

England takes the field with eleven players. Amongst them are two non-players, Bopara and Harmison. Was Harmison there on Freddie’s behest, ‘eh, keep my mate, willya?’ That Harmison can still make the side is an advertisement for scrapping test cricket.

That teams continue to blunder on selection until they are thrown by a defeat shows just how safe most selection is– the whole world knows Bopara is not going to score any runs, but they still must give the kid another chance. If anything it’s a disservice to Bopara. He goes in No. 3, a lamb to the slaughter.

If England wants to win the Ashes, they first have to weed out the losers. And they don’t need the Langer dossier for that. Just a stomach for a fight.

The rest can go on holiday, but not on our expense this time.